One Sassy Family

I've MOVED

2010-06-08T07:34:00.002-05:00

Hey Ya'll

In case you haven't gotten the memo, I've moved.

I'm no longer @blogspot, I'm over HERE

ALSO....

My feedburner changed, no idea why it wouldn't also move but it did. The new one is here

Hope you will skip on over and join my in my new home :)

Lost and Found?

2010-05-28T14:48:00.005-05:00

I'm a bit of a nut-job.

Yes, I just called myself a nut.

I tend to lose things, or maybe I should say, ever since I had kids, I tend to be more forgetful and lose things seemingly ALL the time.

Do you see this beautiful thing?

I know, it's mine, so I'm biased, but I love it!

(Joe has GREAT taste)

Last weekend, Joe took me to a Twins game in our new stadium and it was like 80% humidity outside and 90 degree temps. (or it felt that way)Well, that lil beauty above was feeling tight and I was playing with it, which I shouldn't have been. I remember taking it off to put in my purse and thinking "it's too loose in there maybe Joe's shorts pocket? Nope, too loose in there, maybe back in the purse"

That, my friends, is the last thing I remember about seeing it.

That was almost a week ago.

Due to life stuff going on, I neglected to remember that I hadn't seen it till yesterday. When I realized this fact, I went looking for it in all the usual places. Even calling Joe, who wasn't really worried, (because it's happened before with a kinds of items.. ahem.)

We both looked last night and this morning I was in a state of panic. I called the Twins lost and found, I called security at work to see if I had left it there. I called everyone.

In the mean time I came home to find Mr. Jack doing my most FAVORITE thing!

Can you guess?

NOT NAPPING.

After the nanny left, I thought, maybe I should call her back and ask if she'd seen my ring. Usually she puts stuff she finds, when she cleans (cause she likes to stay busy) but I looked there and saw nothing.

She happened to call just then to ask about what the plan was for next week with the kids and I asked her if in fact, she's seen my ring.

She said yes.......

She said it was right here

Hiding in plain sight behind my soap. It had fallen off the ledge on the back of the bathroom counter, and hid there all this time.

Well, I put it back here.

(man, my fingers are wrinkly)

Where it should always be.

Off to look for something else that this nut-job has supposedly lost.

Hard to believe.....

2010-05-27T13:31:00.004-05:00

I remember when I was pregnant with Jack and everyone remarked a bout how fast "they (meaning kids) grow up"

I can remember thinking, "I hope I realize this right away and cherish those moments."

Thankfully, I have.

There are a few "things" going on in our lives that I would love to share, however, it's not the best time to do so. Some are work things, some are home things. It's nothing I won't share and please don't ask because it's already hard not to share. It's just better if we get all our ducks in a row and then go from there. (nope, it's not what your thinking)

I do promise that I will share soon.

In the mean time. I can't believe they go from this..........

To this........ and SO fast.

20 min.

2010-05-26T14:41:00.003-05:00

TWENTY MINUTES....

That's it. That's all he took. We went to the zoo, had a blast too.

Then on the way home that pesky lul of the min-van ride. Just enough quiet and he closed his eyes.

He slept, my heart wept and I prayed that he would transfer fine.

He got a whole 20 min and he's raring to go. Wish I had the energy but I'm a moving slow.

I even tried to just let him rest and figure it out. Changed a poopie in the process and didn't even shout.

He's about to win this round but I'll get him back later. I'll kiss him till he can't stand it and each moment I'll savor.

**I had to rhyme, it makes the fact that I'm getting no 2 nap break all the better :)

Thankful

2010-05-23T20:48:00.012-05:00

This weekend was full. So full in fact, that I almost used it as my title.

However, one of the things that I am thinking of most lately is how very thankful I am.

I'm thankful for this lady..........

Yes, I know I have already mentioned her earlier.

But, I cannot post about being thankful without including her.

I'm thankful that they have each other.

I'm thankful to be blessed enough to be a mom and for their health.

I'm thankful they have all these cousins.

I'm also thankful for this person most of all. He made my weekend WONDERFUL just by being him. He also makes life better everyday!

Coming soon.....

2010-05-21T12:28:00.008-05:00

I have a very dear friend named Becca who is re-designing my blog. She's put in countless time and effort to make it very cool. She's already begun to add some things to it. I love them all so far. She's one of those people who makes the world better just by being Becca. She's sweet, kinda hearted and has been there for me in tough times.

So bare with me, changes are coming and the only real person to thank is her.

THANK YOU BECCA

p.s. Isn't she beautiful. Inside and out!

40 yrs

2010-05-20T12:52:00.009-05:00

I am a child of divorced parents.

I'm not upset about this fact at all.

My parents were happy at times, but for the most part,

(in my humble opinion) they are better apart.

Joe's parents are the direct opposite.

They will be celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary this year in about 1 week.

I cannot tell you how amazing I think that is.

(B & G, on their wedding day)

I had my doubts about marriage at one time in my life. I never saw my parents be affectionate more then a handful of times. They also fought often. I prefer not to say what the main cause of their split is, but lets leave it at the fact that the reason gave me pause in considering my own path involving marriage.

I had made up some rules in my head of what my marriage had better be, or what was the point. It was only a piece of paper right?

Wrong. Very, Very wrong.

I can tell you that Joe is the reason I changed my views.

He brings me a sense of calm and security that I have never felt with anyone else, ever.

He loves me for me. I once remarked at the stretch marks I was getting while pregnant with Jack and he lifted his sure and proudly said "look, now we match."

That's just Joe. He's sensitive, loving, committed to his family, and wonderful.

His parents are the same way. They grew up in a different time then we did, and their marriage is different then mine, but it's wonderful. They love each other and it shows. More then this, they love their family. It's their #1 priority, aside from their faith.

(B & G with our kids)

They have raised 4 college educated, lovely people. Their kids are all close in different ways and respectful of one another.

I really hope that our family will be the same.

I don't fault my parents for divorcing. They have shaped my life in so many positive ways and I cannot thank them enough. They taught me to hold out for someone like Joe. When it comes to Joe and my family, btw, they adore him. Any time we have a disagreement, they side with him. I'm always being told how lucky I am to have him.

Lucky indeed.

Happy 40th Wedding Anniversary Grandma & Grandpa V.

We love you both very much!

Lightning McQueen Toes

2010-05-19T22:09:00.004-05:00

Jack woke from his nap today and was playing with some toys while we waited for Luke to wake up. I went into our bathroom and began to paint my toe nails.

He came in, told me he needed to "go poop," and asked what I was doing. When I told him, he remarked that it was a "girl thing" to do. I said yes it was, and sometimes boys may do this as well. (We have friends son who does it and this isn't first time for Jack either)

He then told me that he wanted to choose a color for his toes.

Of all the colors I have, he picked the Brightest Red I own.

He did tell me that

"it's Lightning McQueen's color and we'll match McQueen"

Ok Jack.

So, he did his business and all the while asked me to stay and chat with him. Once I finished my toes, he promptly began to convince me that his could be painted while on the toilet.

Um, no Jack that's not a great idea.

In the end though, he got his wish, just not on the toilet.

Lightning McQueen Toes.

I can tell you that Daddy was thrilled with the color choice :)

Hard Choices

2010-05-18T14:56:00.003-05:00

This morning I was highly motivated. The kids and I were going to the park and it wasn't even 8:30 a.m. I had a meeting later in the morning, and wanted to get an early start. I decided not to bring our dogs because we planned to bike.

We have 2 dog. Chile and Chloe. Chile, our male is 7 yrs old and Chloe, our female is 6 months behind him. We think Chile may have been raised in a puppy mill based on the way he reacts to things in life. He takes longer to warm to men and is skiddish. He's also sent into a panicked state when Joe or I are goofing off and spanking one another or yelling from the basement to the main floor to ask for a loaf of bread etc.

In the past, Chile has only once snipped at Jack. Jack was messing with him and I decided that it may have been slightly justified. He never bit Jack or anyone else. More or less that time was a warning.

Today though, was totally different. I asked Chile to kennel up and when Luke went to "help" and pick up Chile under his belly, Chile snipped, growled and then BIT Luke. Not a large bite, but enough to know that the time has come for this little dog to find a different home. No matter what, Luke was not provoking Chile or bugging him. I am very sad by this. It's also a little too familiar.

I was bit by a dog as a kid and I have a scar on my hand from it.

This whole thing is very devastating, but necessary.

If you know of anyone (in MN) without kids who might want a sweet dog who is respectful of adults, in good health and trained, please let me know. Our hope is to find him a good home and if that doesn't happen, bring him to a no kill shelter.

We love you Chile. Jack calls you his little buddy. I'm hoping to find you a loving home.

Soooo Cute and not so cute

2010-05-16T21:15:00.003-05:00

This weekend in MN was B-E-A utiful. Considering that the previous 4 days were cold, full of rain and seriously depressing.

Joe and I had an amazing Saturday as a family. We invited over Joe's sister T and her little family. Their 2 boys are a year apart form our 2 boys and their daughter is Miss Molly, our God-daughter.

We picnicked in the park, gave a haircut and played. It was great.

That night, Joe and I took the kids on a long bike ride to a far away park and then came home to have a bonfire. It was the perfect night to have one.

We ended up out there till around 11 and came in to call it a night.

Joe checked on the kids and discovered this.................

Yes, That's Jack, and his full sized comforter plus a pillow, in Luke's crib. We thought how adorable is that! We moved Jack back to his own bed and turned in for the night.

About 4 a.m. we heard Luke crying and went in to see what was wrong. Once again, Jack had gotten up and went into Luke's crib. This time though, he also had an accident in Luke's bed.

So, there we were, consoling both of them, changing sheets and snuggling them back to bed. Needless to say, it was a sweet moment, just preferably not at 4 a.m. :) When we asked Jack this morning why he kept climbing in Luke's bed he said "because I love him Mommy".

Tonight, we were getting Luke ready for bed and he walked right into Jack's bed to try to sleep. It was adorable. So very cute most of the time :)

De-Cluttering Challenge

2010-05-13T19:15:00.016-05:00

Have you read my post a few days ago regarding the new blog I have found and also fell in love with?

No? Well, go check it out!

One of the reasons for my love?

Her De-cluttering Challenge. I decided to start myself and here's what happened........

Meet our pantry.... or rather, how it used to look.

Isn't it lovely? No? I don't think so either.

Did you happen to see the Lysol? In the pantry? Hmm...

I began to clean it up and noticed a few more things out of place.

Like a card for Jack from 3 Christmas' ago.

Or fake flowers purchased for our wedding 7 yrs ago......

How about a broken toothpick holder as a souvenir

from Joe on a business trip.

I also forgot to post a photo of the larger then a toddler,

State Farm map I found inside, as well.

OR, my almost favorite. Gravy in a jar that expired in 2000.

Yes, 10 yrs ago friends.

The proof is in the dust.

Bringing us to my actual favorite a piece of platter

that broke in 2004

coupled so nicely with a used band aid. EWWWWW!

Which brings me to the after shots.....

I'm humbly so proud of these.

No more Lysol.....

Buh-Bye Dust and nasties!

Hello Happiness!

I was so excited, and making such progress, thanks in part to a nice long nap from the kiddo's, that I moved onto not 1, not 2, but my 3 junk drawers. I forgot to take photo's of my little finds along the way, but I am pretty proud of them. I will post those this weekend.

All in all I removed 12 lbs of clutter from my life and it feels AMAZING! Thank you Molly!

1, 2, Laugh

2010-05-13T18:45:00.002-05:00

The other day, I was counting with Jack and happen to notice Luke "counting" as well. He knows some of the numbers but only based on hearing and repeating it. I happen to stop by my mom's house and mention it to her and the following happened.....................

We thought it was pretty darn funny too. :)

Raw

2010-05-13T14:53:00.002-05:00

I'm raw right now. This post was supposed to be about de-cluttering (and that will happen later)

I'm admittedly over reacting as well, so there you have it.

I got a letter in the mail from work with a denial to an appeal I made for an honest mistake regarding my vacation time. If they won't allow the appeal to go through, I will have 3 days left till NEXT January to have off/be sick.

Well, you work part time, you might be thinking.

That's right, but I'm also someone who does take a week off here or there and when you work on Sunday's, it's nice to have days like Fathers Day etc off.

Then you add in the typical bombs of, Laundry, dishes, kids not napping well, running too many errands because I think I'm superwoman, not sleeping great, multiple spills on the carpet..... the list goes on and on.

The bonus though, the one that really made me go off my rocker today, was the fact that I called the doctor to find out about the results of the ultrasound I just had. Remember my post about being almost out of the woods? Well I got the results back today and while that little issue has been resolved, there is another one on the horizon.

As I sit here, I wait for a call back from the doctor to explain more on this. I can share that the worst case scenario is along the lines of ovarian cancer (like my mom had) and the best case is a little blip on the radar of my life.

For now though, I sit. Raw with emotion and worry (because that's how I roll when I first get news like this) Give me an hour or two, hopefully with my questions answered, and I'll be better.

Until then though, can you please send a few prayers up for me? I appreciate the ones that have been sent up lately and I feel kinda like I have been so in need. I don't like to be the needy one. I like more to be needed. I am hoping for the best but running down the worst at this very moment and it's my way to put it all out here and vent.

Thanks for reading, all 3 of you :)

Clutter and a giveaway

2010-05-11T14:03:00.002-05:00

I'm not much of a paper reader. In fact, I'm more of an ad browser and dreamer.

I was given the Sunday paper on Mothers Day and stumbled across the front page, which caught my eye.

It was about De cluttering. I read the first 3 sentences and was HOOKED.

This is a mom who knows what I'm talking about in my life.

I decided today to go check out her blog and fell in love as well.

Won't you please go check her out.

By the way, she's giving away a gift card for a swiffer/sweepervac and it looks Amazing. She even vlogged about it as well.

Happy Valentines Day!

2010-05-09T10:32:00.004-05:00

If you read my title and are wondering if I have lost my marbles, that's still up for debate, but let me explain.

This morning I awoke to a kiss from my husband and a request of when would I like to get up. This, you see, was a trick question because, I really had to get up fairly soon to get to work.

Yes, I am working today. Lucky me. movingrightalong
I had a yummy breakfast ready for me, the ad's from the paper waiting to be checked out and was given these 2 cards.
They are handmade, just the way I like them and filled with love as well as 2 coupons. One for a hair cut & color and the other for a pedicure.

As I was reading them, the boys came from up from downstairs and said good morning. Then Jack said.............

"Happy Valentines Day Mommy! I love you!"

In all fairness to him, the cards have hearts and he's working on knowing his holidays.

Luke also came over, requested to get into my lap (with a poopie in his pants mind you) and proceeded to eat my breakfast. Joe changed the poopie and he was back for more.

I beamed. This simple, sweet, loving little morning filled with poopie pants, Happy Valentines Day wishes and handmade gifts/cards was just what I wanted. All of that and 3 healthy boys in my life who love me so much.

I couldn't have asked for anything more.

Happy Mothers Day to all of the Mommies out there. Mommies who have little ones here, in heaven and in their hearts as a hope of what's to come in their lives. I wish them lots of love, comfort, health and happiness.

Oh, and from Jack, Happy Valentines Day too!

**P.S. I planned my Mom's Day post already in my head and if I get some time later, I must just share it.... otherwise, it will have to be a post Mom's day post.... if that even makes sense.

If I had a million dollars

2010-05-07T10:39:00.002-05:00

Have I told you yet that I'm rich?

Yes, Filthy rich!

I'm so rich that I don't even know what to do with all the riches I have. It's a nice problem to have, let me tell you. Ahem

You must be thinking along the lines of:
"Wow, did she really just say she's rich? Not from the pictures I've seen :)"

I'm not money rich, far from it actually.

I'm rich in love from my husband.
I'm rich in health from our family.
I'm rich in my love for God.
I'm rich in friends too....man do I have a ton of amazingly wonderful friends.
I'm rich in family also. I have a Mom and Dad who love me and our little family.
I have in-laws that are rockin' too.
(Don't get me wrong, we have our share of odd ducks too....in fact maybe I'm considered one of them.)

When it comes to my little life, I don't want for much. We have enough room in our home for us to live; yes, we'd like more. We have a large yard and love it. We have 2 working cars that get us from points A to B. Yes, we would like different cars, maybe a 2nd car garage and a few other things.

We do realize thought that some marriages aren't always so easy, some kiddos are terminally sick, some families are far away and hard to keep in touch with, and some people don't have the amount of friends willing to love on them when they need it and when they don't. We have these thins in abundance. They are all wonderful and while we aren't perfect, we are happy.

If you haven't figured it out already, I'm also very social.

I love people. I love to know how they tick and what their lives are like. You could write me a page long email about your day and how you manage it and I would be enthralled. Even if you think is boring. I feed off that kind of thing. I also love to feel needed. Call me up anytime and cry on my shoulder, ask my avice, or you may just get it without asking (sorry, that's the italian in me)

Joe and I find ourselves buying a lottery ticket here or there when the mood strikes and we play a little game that reminds me of a song called "If I had a million dollars"

If we did, or rather if we won a lottery, I really wouldn't want to win ALL of it. I think that the "mo, money mo problems" verse comes to mind in that case.

However, if we did win what I would deem to be an insane amount, here are 6 surprising things we would do. (or, because I'm an open book, or it's just plain obvious, maybe these aren't a surprise)

We would set up trust funds for all our frinds and families kids to be able to go to college and get a degree.
We would give our church the money it needs to expand and grow
We would adopt. 2-4 kids (or more) & all of a different race then ours and at least 2 from another country.
We would still work.
We would track our ancestry as far back as we could and take our parents/siblings to see where we came from.
We would think it would be cool to buy a rather large plot of land and put the homes of our closest family and friends on it with a path that connects us all together with a large playstructure/grounds in the middle. This land would also include lots of wooded acreage and areas to 4-wheel, hike, camp, play and explore. Some of these, we may still do without the lottery :).

They are just some of the random dreams that we dream. There are plenty more, but I just happen to find these interesting/share-worthy today.

What would you do? What are your dreams?

How can you not smile?

2010-05-06T14:32:00.004-05:00

We had a wonderful day.

Aside from the fact that Mr. Luke has an ear infection and Daddy & I aren't feeling top notch right now.

Daddy is feeling more sick then I am, and we are hopeful that he gets better soon.

Today we went to the MN Childrens Museum with Jenny and her adorable kiddos. We had a blast and so did the kids. It was nice to have a playdate with them,

and get some "mommy time" to talk.

I figured that Luke, at minimum, would fall asleep on the way home.

Wrong.

I figured when we got home, we would head right to bed.

Wrong again.

We get home, I read books and put them to bed.

I come downstairs and sit here, reading my fellow bloggers wonderful words.

I look up and see that the monitor lights moving up so that I know that there is quite a bit of noise going on in their room.

I walk upstairs and usually the sound of my footsteps is enough to get Jack to pretend to be sleeping.......

However, this is what I see......

Now you tell me, How can I be mad at that?

Watching them grow....

2010-05-03T20:58:00.007-05:00

Today we went to the park, like we do most days. The same park we usually go to.

This park.

Normally that park isn't real crowded. Today, however, was different. There were TONS of kids. Kids playing ball. Older kids, younger kids. Sadly, there were also Foul Mouthed Kids.

They couldn't have been more then 8 or 9 yrs old and could talk like sailors. (Wow did I just sound like my mother). I must have heard the F-word at least 3 times before my dear friend Tiff told them to watch their mouths because there were little kids around. (She beat me to the punch... I was getting pretty irritated)

To my surprise and delight, they calmly said "Sorry Mam" and walked away. I was floored. I know that kids will be kids and more then that, I know how seriously fast they grow up. I cannot believe that 9 yr olds are using that kind of language. I'm not ready for my boys to be grown up. I may never be. I watched (and cried) at the sight of Jack giving Luke a kiss, "just because he's sad Mamma."

I know all too well that a point will come, probably sooner then later, where they won't want to kiss each others boo boo's. Or where they won't be so very content to be pushed around next to each other.
But, I also was lucky enough to witness Luke reach out for Jack's hand the other day, and Jack respond to take it as if they had been holding hands their whole lives. Jack watches over Luke. He protects his little brother. (most of the time) Without knowing he made his Mommy cry tears of joy at what an amazing big brother he's become.

The sibling dynamic is something I struggled with. My sister & brothers and I aren't nearly as close as I would have liked to be. There is a level of respect that, to be blunt, is lacking in many ways.

I'm so thankful that my boys are close right now. I hope to only foster this bond, cherish it, nurture it, and let it grow. They, like their father, are the loves of my life. I'm so blessed to call them mine.

So much to say....

2010-05-03T09:57:00.002-05:00

Have you ever had one of those days/times in your life where there is so very much to say, but you can't share. It's either drama in your life and you can't comment or it's a secret and you can't tell. I feel that way lately. I feel like I have millions of things to be said, but no real outlet to vent about them to.

I vent to Joe, but it's not the same as venting about it to all of you here. I've started 2 other posts but don't have the time or energy to bring them to fruition and make them "postable".

Don't get me wrong, we are all fine. It's just life stuff.

"This too shall pass."

BLEEP

2010-05-01T19:57:00.003-05:00

That would be the best word for today. BLEEP.

Today has kinda been one of those days when I wish we could just have a big ol' do over.

Don't get me wrong.

There were moments of sunshine in this crazy set of days, but most of it was kinda of the pits.

It started last night. Joe told me he was in a funk and just not feeling good(in a "guy emotional" sorta way). Luke and Jack were both in sassy moods and being rather irritating (I'm horrible for saying so, but I'm being honest.)

We all went to bed at 8:15 and by that point, Joe and I were a little irritated with one another as well. That mood seemed to carry into the morning and by the time we had gotten over it and moved along, it was time for Jack's Saturday soccer class. We went, chatted up friends, and had a nice time watching. We then proceeded to the grocery store because we are seemingly out of everything but the kitchen sink.

We pulled in the lot and got out of the car, when all of a sudden Joe's holding Luke and screaming at me to "unlock the door, unlock the door!!!" Jack had gotten his fingers squished in the door and was very upset.

We soothed him as best we could and after he said he wanted to stay at the store, we tried to shop. Bad Idea #1. Jack cried the entire time and by the time our cart was fairly loaded, Luke decided to join in the chorus.

Then we checked out and ran to get gas, as our tank was on empty. More irritation between the 2 of us as we are trying to navigate the kids, the screaming, the gas, and the groceries. This leads then to both of my kids passing out in the car, only to sleep for 20 min and upon transfer into the house, both be WIDE awake. Lovely.

At this point we thought about just surrendering to the day and making it a watch tv all day, not give a darn day but we kept our chins up.

We cut the grass and ate some lunch, and things seemed better. Then we got this brilliant idea to move Luke's crib into Jack's room(Bad Idea #2...maybe) because the plan had always been for them to share. (no I'm not announcing anything...Aunt Flo is here too, which makes me oh so wonderful. ahem) We move the crib and it's now been 2.5 hrs since they last "napped" so we attempt to put them down again.

Luke never really goes down. Jack does, but this makes for Luke to be Awesome to deal with later in the evening. (can you read the sarcasm there?)

Move forward to now. Luke is down (in Jack's room) Jack is getting ready, and I am making myself a cocktail (that I pray doesn't make my tummy/pancreas hurt).

I'm praying that the cocktail will make me sleepy and the man will get up with the kids or, even better, the kids won't get up.

We'll see :)

Winds of Change

2010-04-29T22:03:00.002-05:00

Lately, I feel like change is on the horizon for us.

I've changed my diet, well somewhat.

We've changed the foods we are bringing into our home. Slowly we are adding in organic foods as well as non-processed foods.

I've heard from my current job that they may be outsourcing.

My other job has offered me a large and all weekend, every weekend in the summer opportunity that is wonderful. Other then the all weekend, every weekend part. But, call me crazy, I'm excited about it.

The kids and Joe are changing as well.

There is more energy in the house. I am guessing it has to do with all the good weather, but then again, maybe there are clouds with silver lining in our future.

****I wrote this a few days ago and meant to add photo's... then went back to re-read when I decided that I didn't have any to post and laughed out loud at how I was dreaming of "winds of change", and then we have the weekend be the way it was. NICE.

Notes To God.

2010-04-28T15:30:00.008-05:00

There's a song that I love.

In fact, there are many.

I love music.

Anyway.... right now my i-tunes is on and even though I just blogged, I have some time and this song really makes me think.

Here are some of the lyrics:

If I wrote a note to God

I would speak what's in my soul

I'd ask for all the hate to be swept away

For Love to Overflow.

If I wrote a note to God,

I'd pour my heart out on each page

I'd say......I'd Say

Give us, the strength to make it thorough

Help us find love, cause love is overdue.

This song always gets me thinking....

What do you ask God for?

Is it the same thing regularly?

You don't have to tell me. I know it's personal and that it's one of those things that's not always

best to discuss.

I, however, have some pretty regular prayers for God.

I'll share some of them with all of you.

I ALWAYS, ask God first for health. Health for us, health for our families and friends. I second thank God. For all he's given us. Third I ask for Him to protect ALL of the children of the world. Protect them from hunger, abuse and let them know His love.

Then, I pray for all of the following people.... for different reasons. Some just fall under the health and well being prayer.... and some a specialized...

(These are in random order)

For Molly,
I ask that she's healthy and am thankful that I am her Godmother. It's a huge honor.
I also pray for her brothers and parents... because Joe and I know all too well what life is like with young kiddos.

For AM,

I ask for her happiness, for her health, her fathers health and the rest is between Him and I

For Tiff,

I ask for health for her and her family.

I also ask God for them to be blessed with another child.

They have wanted this for a long time.

For T, Cj & Andrea I ask for health and happiness.

They have kids and busy lives, so I keep it pretty simple for them.

For My Mom,

I ask for her health to remain good, for her to quit smoking, and for less stress in her life.

For my Dad & Nana G.,

I ask for health and for his hips to get better.

Also, for him to live a long life. Men die earlier then women I am told.

For Jen, Kristina & Dona,

I ask the same as my other friends. For health and happiness :)

For my sister and Tyler, (her fiance')

I ask for health and happiness too.

I also ask for guidance and for her,

I ask special prayers that will remain between him and I.

For Joe's family, I ask for health and happiness and

that his parents also live long and healthy lives.

I just realized that I forgot to add us into the blog.

I cannot figure out how to add our picture now, so I will just tell you my prayers for us.

For Joe, health, happiness and to also quit smoking.

For Jack, health, happiness and to know God's love.

For Luke, the exact same.

For myself, health, happiness and to be the best I can be for Him, everyday.

Now that I've shared my prayers with you, what are yours? If you won't share yours, will you pray for one of the above mentioned. No-one can ever have enough prayers. :)

Urges

2010-04-28T15:09:00.006-05:00

Do you ever get the urge to do something? Anything?

I do.

Quite often I do.

Usually it's eat something naughty, like M&M's or homemade chocolate chip cookies.

Sometimes it's crazy random, like buying a lab puppy (or dog) and bringing it home.

(never usually act on those ones.... wish I could say the same for the one above it)

Right now I have the urge to clean, and I mean CLEAN.

However, I'm fighting it. The kids are sleeping and I need down time more then I need to clean.

Now, I'm sadly going to admit that I'm a person that never really bothers with attachments to the vacuum. I just push it. I sweep sometimes before I do and then I just expect it to get everything.

The last few months (since our Nanny is no longer watching the kids here and subsequently cleaning our home in the process) I have noticed a TON of dust in my home.

I went downstairs and grabbed the attachment (purely, and embarrassingly because, I knew it would "reach" the dust) not because I thought it was right for the dust. To my very delight, I was enthralled and as Jenny would put it... "once you get started, it's hard to stop."

My clean attitude before was, why vacuum when 5 min later they were tracking in more sand, leaves, etc... I am changin' my ways though.

The hardest part now, for me, seems to be finding the time to get all the areas done that I want to. I'd rather be watching (and capturing) these moments....

so, I might have to live with dirty floors for a while.

**Not to pat myself on the back or anything, but I am rather impressed that I actually got these shots with my tiny little "point & shoot" camera. I'd love a DSLR but that's low on the list of wishes for now.

26th.

2010-04-26T08:28:00.005-05:00

I woke up today and felt just fine. I was dressed for work and headed out for the day. Nothing particular in my head. Typical Monday.

On the way, my mind began to wonder.

To the new opportunity I've been offered at work and how it will effect my summer.

To the ever constant "to do list" in my head.

To the evenings dinner ideas/plans.

To working out and how I'm feeling the need to do so.

An hour or so later at my desk, I just felt off. This sadness came over me. I couldn't figure it out. Was it all the rain we had this weekend? Or was I just that busy and didn't sleep well last night? I logged into my computer and was working just fine, thankyouverymuch, yet, something is there.

Part of my job is to stamp the date and a code on checks. I have been doing this today, multiple times, and for over an hour, when I looked up at the calendar and realized the actual date.

"Maybe that's why" I thought.

2 months ago today, we lost our little baby girl. 1 month ago today, I was hospitalized for the pancreatic attack.

And I'm Sad.

Why?

Why am I still sad?

Life, for our home, seems back to normal in most ways. Or at least it feels that way. Until days like today when......

Out of the blue, the sadness comes still.

Out of the blue the fear of the unknown answers as to why the attack.

I know this is all part of the healing process, regarding both of these things. BUT I'm ready for the feeling to be over? gone? not so hard? Maybe I just want it to not creep up on me like it has done every few days for what seems like so long.

I have been fairly good at embracing it, but some days I'm defeated. Today just happens to be one.

Tomorrow, I hope, will be better.

More then this, I hope that the 26th will not be such a crazy day.

*I started this post earlier in the day, but just couldn't finish it. If it doesn't seem to flow, it's cause I'm kinda all over the place.

FREE, what a great word.

2010-04-22T19:18:00.007-05:00

If you know me even just a little bit, you'll know that I LOVE a deal.

I just got Jack this razor scooter for $5.00, when it retails here for $29.99. Yes it used, but wasn't it only going to get banged up outside by being used anyway? I consider something like this a deal. Plus, by a miracle, it was orange, which is the color he wanted and the above mentioned store doesn't have orange either. I'm thinking He had something to do with is.

Better then a good deal for me, is when something is FREE. I see clearance and I get giddy, but I see FREE, and my heart races.

I do have limits when it comes to this, I won't take junk free stuff. I have plenty o' junk in this house. Some fellow bloggers might attest to that. Ahem:)

Well, the other day my new friend Chelsea posted a giveaway on her ADORABLE blog.

Have you been there? It's great. You can click on the little linky I have provided (on her name above) or look over at my blogroll and click on her there. I like her blog and the design of it so much, that I'm considering asking the wonderful and talented Becca (who designed Chelsea's btw) to work on mine.

I'm not really sure what kind of "following" I really have. So, that is where I'm really held up. Chelsea and Becca both have over 200 plus followers on twitter alone and their blogs get 3 times the comments that I do. Granted, I haven't shared my blog with the world either.... Still worried about the whole "judgement" factor. But we shall see.... I'm thinking it would be cool.

Anyway, back to Chelsea, a woman after my own heart. She's giving away FREE sunglasses. If you want to enter to win them, you can click on the above link or click here.

She also has a very inspiring way of looking at life with her Thankful Through Thursday posts.

Either way, you can enter just by commenting which pair you'd like. I plan to now. Hope you'll join me :)

*I was not paid to talk about anything here on this blog. Furthermore, even if I didn't win, I wouldn't add just any old blog to my roll. Only the ones I really read daily and enjoy. :)

Wordless Wednesday: Sun Block in his hair.

2010-04-22T19:17:00.002-05:00

M&M's

2010-04-22T19:07:00.003-05:00

Back in Feb, we went through a very rough time. We still think about that often and find ourselves feeling sad here or there. More me then Joe if I'm being honest. He's better at the moving on parts in life.

In March I got a package in the mail from Becca. The package contained coloring books and crayons for the kids as well as 2 large bags of M& M's. Somehow, this friend, knew that I needed her and answered me without asking.

I must admit I savored those M&M's for a while. I even began to share them with the kids on occasion.

Little did I know that I would be starting a "reaction" that makes me laugh, and annoys me sometimes as well.

Luke, like his Momma, has a weakness for oreo's and M&M's. He can spot either of the from a mile away and will beg and plead for them like nothing I have ever seen.

Today, he was having a hard time. He's cutting big molars and just miserable at times so I indulged him with 2 M&M's.

As you can see, it makes for a chocolate filled "cheese" for the camera.... but makes this Momma laugh so hard too.

no nap day?

2010-04-21T15:20:00.003-05:00

Dear Blog,

I'm having one of those days. You know, the ones where you plan for a nap time and it tricks you into false hope and then poof.... no nap for one and you're kinda annoyed. Yep, that's me.

It started at 5 with Luke crying. I went in, and snuggled him for a half hour and then put him in his bed. He was fine long enough for me to climb back into my bed and lay me head down. So I tried a bottle and got him to sleep just in time for me to once again lay down and Jack was up. He thankfully let me lay there a while longer.

I decided this would not get me down. I'm tired but not defeated. I showered and curled my hair (which takes like 30 min. for just the curling, BTW) Then Luke was once again up and we had breakfast.

We decided to hit up the zoo. It was fun and the kids played. There were a few un-bloggable moments that happened, but all in all it was nice.

After a lunch stop, we headed for our ride home, which takes 20 min. Luke fell asleep on the way. We got home, I transferred him and Jack, bless his heart, went right to bed. I began to eat my lunch and heard a noise from Luke's room. Sure enough, he'd poo-ed. I changed him and put him back. This sent him kicking the crib and subsequently the wall behind and causing a ruckus.

I went and got him, brought him downstairs and he played. He played like a nap wasn't part of the rest of the days plan. He played like he'd had a 3 hour nap.

An hour later, he's finally resting. I'm pumping out a quick, random, meaningless blog, and hoping for some me time.

I'm just tired, wondering what more is going on with my pancreas stuffs and the house is a mess. It could be so very much worse, and I'm thankful it's now.

Deals, A date and a huge belly ache

2010-04-18T12:31:00.003-05:00

This weekend has FLOWN by.

Friday my sister in law and I took on all 5 of our kids and attempted to have a movie night. I say that, because Luke has napped early that day and woke from nap around 12:15 p.m. So, he was running on fumes when we arrived. We still played and had loads of fun too.

Saturday was also fun. I woke at the crack of 6 to get some coffee and sit in line ( in 40 degree weather BTW) to wait for a garage sale that opened at 9. This special sale happens once a year and you can get things like gently used double strollers for $10-50. Last years big score for the V family was a little tyke's house for a whopping $20. This year it was 2 large zip lock baggies full of wooden Thomas trains. I refuse to by those bad boys at the full retail price of $14.00 a piece. Instead I will wait, and freeze, for a whole bag at the cost of $2.50. As if God himself heard Jack's insistent prayers for a razor scooter, (not just any one mind you, an ORANGE ONE) there were only 2 scooters at the sale and much to our delight, one was orange and the one we would have chosen anyway.

We came home from the sale to play more with our cousins and have mid-days baths. Those were due to loads of fun in the sandbox and a birthday party later that afternoon. We all took a nap (other then Daddy) then proceeded to the party. On the way, we called my mom and asked if by chance she would sit at the house while the kiddo's slept so we could have a "date night" seeing to movie Date Night. She said yes!! THANKS MOM!

After getting to the party, and having some dinner, I began to notice a certain pain in my abdomen that sadly was all too familiar to when I had been in the hospital. This pain didn't leave and proceeded to stay on for the rest of the night. Thankfully, I was able to take some meds and at least dull it down a bit to see the show. I LOVED the movie and thought it was a great one for married couples to see.

Now it's Sunday and beautiful outside, so I'm headed to be out there with my little family and make more memories. Hope you are doing the same................

Lazy?

2010-04-14T13:51:00.008-05:00

I have a list of things to do at home and things to buy at the store but I cannot seem to get around to either of them.

Why?

I'm lazy.

I'm lazy and I feel guilty about it.

I need to pull maternity clothes for my sister in law to give to her friend.

I need to pull kid clothes to be given to people who need them in Mexico for our Nanny E.

I need to pull kid clothes to give to my friend T who is short on the size her son is in.

I need to make a list for the garage sale we are attending this week.

I need to clean my house.

I need to do laundry. BIG TIME

I need to wash sheets, vacuum, dust, shower, shave, read, workout........oh wait, I biked 4+ miles today.... at least I did something :)

I need to do all of these things but you know what, I'm perfectly happy to sit here, and look at

<--------this.

This is the face of my baby. Covered in yogurt, Sandwich yogurt to be exact. (I'll explain that one later)

Today, even though I'm currently lazy, I took my sons on a long bike ride, played in our yard with them, had lunch on our patio, read 7 or more books each with them, and more then all of this; laughed, kissed and cuddled them.

Today is one of the reasons I decided to stay home part time. The reason I don't have a larger home right now, or go to the salon every 6 weeks. yada yada

I'm not at ALL knocking those that can do these things. Great for you.... wish I could. But, for me, even with the lazy guilt, I had an incredible day with my boys.

A day to look up at Him and say thank you for them. To thank Him for their health, our health, and the lovely life He has given me.

I need more lazy days like these :)

Almost out of the woods

2010-04-13T22:04:00.002-05:00

We saw the doctor today. For my follow-up on the recent hospital visit.

She looked me up and down, read my lab results and told us the pancreatitus was a fluke and I should be just fine regarding that. She also told me that I'm lucky because it can be fatal. I thought, "wow, fatal? I am lucky, in so many ways."

Then she said that I needed a follow-up ultrasound because I have a cyst on my left ovary.

"It's probably nothing, no big deal"

"It will probably go away on it's own. If not, we will refer you to OB and go from there."

Well, with that I thought...."hmm. She's saying no big deal... Don't stress Am... but bear in mind that Mom had ovarian cancer and it's 80% fatal"

Then Joe broke into my thoughts with these words... "don't worry till you have to"

So, I won't (but I will).

We are out of the woods. Well, almost.

weekend in 3 words, beautiful, busy, accomplished

2010-04-11T20:26:00.012-05:00

I can't believe it's Sunday. More then that though, I can't believe that not only is it Sunday, but we now have a swing set in our yard. Joe, with loads of help from my dad and our brother in law Eric, put it together. The boys started Saturday at 8:15 and by 9 all that was assembled was the slide. I began to worry. :0)

However, with 12 hours invested in the whole thing, including labeling all parts. It's done and we had a lot of fun putting it together. The weather was also beautiful so that helped.

Here are some pictures of how it all came together.

Below is the space we choose.

Daddy and Jack at 7 a.m. with all the labeled wood.

Jack waiting patiently while eating lunch and keeping an eye on the progress

4 hours into it and we had a slide and part of the monkey bars

this too was after 4 hours. Daddy was very focused at this point.

We ended the 1st day with less then this done because we were at the wedding.

The next day we had our niece's 1st communion and after, Joe headed home to work more while the kids slept. Poppa came and helped too.

Above is almost finished and starting to enjoy it.

Below is a side view after it's complete.

Front view below of the completed set.

1st love.........

2010-04-10T21:48:00.007-05:00

We were invited to a wedding for this weekend for the daughter of my mom's high school friend. Our children were also welcome and this would be their very first wedding. I must tell you that we skipped the ceremony due to nap time and the need to attempt to finish a little project we are working on. (more on that later)

So we arrive and I will admit that Luke had not taken much of a nap so it was interesting after a little while to see how he would do. For the most part he was like this.........

We were able to get these adorable pictures before it became bedtime and past bedtime.

Then things got hard. But, it was so worth it and we had such a blast just watching the boys dance and play. As well as spending some fun times with my mom too.

Nana's boys and cousins forever.

So, I've stated, multiple times, that Joe was my first love. I was 12 when we met and I will never forget that day. Lately, when playing at the park, I have noticed that Jack will find other kids, (mainly girls) to play with. He's always gravitating toward them and chasing them. He says hello and calls them princess.

Tonight, He met a girl named Hannah (in the photo and video below) whom he must have liked just a little bit. When the dancing began he and Joe had the following conversation.

Jack: "Daddy, I want to dance with that girl."

Joe: "Buddy, go ask her to dance."

Jack: "What her name is?"

Joe: "I don't know Jack, but just ask her to dance."

So, Jack did. He danced the rest of the time with her and stared at her the whole time.

As you can see here, they are dancing. The other "foot and Dress" in the picture is my mom, or Nana, to the kids. Just after I snapped this photo, I took video of Jack telling Nana

"Please move, I'm dancing with her." (you'll see it in the video)

I never realized that they started this young......He spoke of Hannah the whole way home and was very sad that we didn't know where "her home is" because he wanted to play with her tomorrow.

Easter Part 3

2010-04-06T14:16:00.005-05:00

So, after I plugged in my camera stuff, I realized that I had not one photo of Joe's parents, my mom or all of the cousins/Aunts & Uncles on that side.

I did however get some of this little lady and

how can any day be bad when you get to snuggle her.

"Hi Molly"

This cousin is always ALL over her and asking about her, wanting to hold her.

This Godfather/Uncle also is pretty enamored with her

Jack is holding her hand below saying things like

"Hi Baby Molly, You're so cute."

I loved this one!!!

Easter Part 2

2010-04-06T13:56:00.003-05:00

Easter at Poppa and Nana G's

There was an egg hunt

and tractor rides

For both kiddo's

Jack tested Poppa's Harley and loved "riding" it.

Mommy was feeling happy and better then I have in a long time. I think here it shows.

Poppa loves cuddling with Luke

Daddy and Jack cheesin'

Loads of love here.

Easter Part 1

2010-04-06T13:40:00.003-05:00

How was your Easter? Ours was divine.

There were egg hunts with cousins.

(In grocery stores no less, that's how we roll in MN...you never know if there'll be snow)

I love that they all wore red and that I got one of all of them looking :)

A little sun goes a long way.

2010-04-01T19:48:00.003-05:00

If you haven't read my last post, spare yourself the drama.

I had a melt down this afternoon and it was messy. I wrote it and then published it and within a minute, pulled it. (Or so I thought). I ended up re-posting it out there because if I don't have it there, it's not me. Even if the me in it is raw and sad and full of self pity.

That said, like the ad coming from the government and on some good advice from the ever sweet and supportive Ms. Becca, I got moving.

I took the boys to the park for 2 hours. We had a blast. They ran, I ran. They played and giggled, I laughed right along. I relished in the little things like Jack getting 2 girls that were about 9 to chase him round and round the playground. Or the way the wind caught Luke's hair.

We met Tiffany and Logan who had texted and said they'd be around. It was nice to see her and have a chat.

It was nice and fun and easy. Easier then I would have thought.

I'm feeling better already.

I confess

2010-04-01T13:47:00.004-05:00

I confess that this post will probably not be uplifting. sorry.

I confess that if you are going to read it and judge me, move on to something else. I don't need that right now.

I confess that I'm depressed and not sure if it's at the level of "go see the doctor and get some Prozac" or not. However, I hate medication and am holding out hope to get over this myself.

I confess that I'm avoiding returning phone calls to those with whom who I'm closest. I will "hide" behind a text message here or there, or a facebook message, but even those seem hard to deal with lately.

I confess that 8 years ago today my grandma died. Moreover then that, I am still painfully sad about it and probably should have moved on by now.

I confess that I cannot eat more then a piece of toast here or a graham cracker there before I begin to feel like there is a rock in my stomach and this scares me.

I confess that the last confession makes me irritable, low on energy, and horrible to be around. I loved to eat before all this.

I confess that Joe's a saint and I feel like he's got our whole world on his shoulders right now with 3 crying babies pulling on him in every direction. Sadly, the other 2 are under 4 and have reasons.

I confess that I said a horrible 4 letter word when we got home from the hospital because they are denying Joe coverage of me over a stupid reason. Although we can get it fixed, my 3 yr old repeated that word (clear as a bell) to me today when telling me that "the Easter Bunny won't be bringing me a basket because I said &^%$."......that was wonderful.

I confess that I was attempting to make it a good day and playing with Jack when he attempted to climb the wall mounted gate at the top of our stairs and fell off and down them as I screamed and tried to get to him in horror. He's fine. My nerves are shot.

I confess that it's 75 degrees outside and I need to get out there and get over this b*llsh*t that I'm letting take over me.

I confess that my mother in law stopped by to check on me and I was able to hold it together for her as well as when my sister in law called. I felt nice to feel normal because I haven't felt that way for more then an hour here or there in days.

I confess that I have a world of family and friends offering to help and I keep telling them I'm fine because I have no clue how they can help me.

I confess that the kids and I danced today in the house and it felt great.

I confess that I'm bawling like a baby right now.

I confess that I want to get better, I really do.

I confess that I'm finding it really hard.

I confess that I was told today about another dear friend who was due days after me has lost her baby. So sad.

I confess that a friend of mine visited me in the hospital, she's lost 50 or more lbs and looks amazing and seeing her makes me so happy for her and so mad at myself inside because I could be there but I won't help myself.

I confess that I'm already sick of myself so if you're still reading this, I'm sure you're sick to death of me and over it too. Don't worry, I don't blame you.

I confess that I'm going to keep trying to feel better and not focus on the last 2 months.

I confess that I'm scared to know why I don't feel tons better.

And Finally,

I confess that I'm praying by putting this all out there, it will remove the load from my chest and make it easier to take more steps forward.

Please understand, I'm working on this whole thing. This is MY blog and if you are reading it, thanks. If you are reading it rolling your eyes, please spare my feelings. Lastly, this is my place to vent. Things aren't always awful and I do find joy in my day. I may not always translate it here. Life has ups and downs, I'm just stuck in the valley and hoping to push myself out.

praying for home

2010-03-29T12:23:00.002-05:00

I'm sitting here

in this bed with motors on it

next to a machine that beeps and tells me when I'm "low on fluids".

I am in a hospital and I cannot smell the fresh air and feel the wind on my face.

I cannot deny that I'm miserable.

They have finally allowed me to eat which I confess isn't going well.

The toast went fine, the rest, not.so.much.

IF I can eat and not feel sick and IF I can continue to get better,

THEN they will let me go tomorrow.

I'm scared, very scared that I won't improve based on the way I'm feeling now.

I'm sick of this bed, sick of being here.

I want to go home.

I want to see my kids, kiss their faces, love on them.

I know it's "for the best" and that I need to be here but, I'm GOING CRAZY.

Grrrrrrr

Missing this

2010-03-28T07:23:00.004-05:00

Still here, (hospital bound that is)

Still waiting for more tests to take place and more answers.

Best thing about this whole ordeal? (trying for a "bright side"

I have my computer and photo's like these to make me smile.

I miss them like crazy but I got to see them yesterday and

I'm doing all I can to be good for the doctors/nurses so that they let me go home soon.

They tried me on an all clear liquid diet last night but it just made me feel worse. I'm sitting here waiting for my ultrasound now. Keep your fingers crossed.

On a side note...... for those that know me well, I hate the sound of vomiting and the smells etc.... sure enough, the guy across the hall keeps coughing and gagging. I want to keep my door open so that I can get some air in here because my room is VERY warm but hate the sound. Hoping he gets better to and gets discharged, or moved :)

Here he goes again.... heading to go close my door

Day 2

2010-03-27T16:32:00.003-05:00

Hello Bloggy friends/family.

Wasn't Joe's post sweet? I'm a little drugged up right now so bare with me on this post.

I wish I could say "We know it's this and here's how we solve it." But, we don't.

Here is what we do know. A normal person's enzyme levels (that are produced by their pancreas) are usually between 22 and 51. When I was admitted yesterday mine was at 10,000. My current level is at 1,900. The pain has lessened which is good but the reasons remain a mystery. Most people who have something like this are alcoholics. Me, not.so.much.

They thought maybe my cholesterol was too high and that was causing it. (I feared this too, as my eating habits leave loads to be desired) Again though, to our delight, they are fine.

There are other little wonderful things I need to worry about. For one, because I'm not as active as usual, I get these lovely shots in the tummy. They really don't hurt much. I also get finger pricks to make sure I am not having blood sugar issues and that too looks good. Then there's the chance of pneumonia due to my lungs not breathing like normal from the pain.

I can tell you folks that I thought this was really "no big deal" and "why should I have to go to the ER" The 10,000 number and the look I got from the doctor when she mentioned how glad she was that I came it, made me know I wasn't the chicken I had thought out to be.

Joe's been great as usual and his sisters & brother have stepped up and helped out with this kids as well as my family with keeping me company and visits. The kids should be here any moment now and that makes me happy.

I know I'm in the best place to figure out this crazy situation, but I must admit I'm scared and hopeful that we have more answers soon. I'm just very impatient and hope I never have to experience this ever again.

Lastly, I do not get to eat. There is a Large yellow sign on my door that says "Nothing In Mouth" Not even water. I get 1-2 small scoops of ice chips every 45 min or so. I'm not hungry at this point, they are giving me fluids through and IV, but I miss the actions of eating. I do know that I now need to make good on my promises to cut out the crappy food, I hope that's all that is needed.

Thanks for your texts, comment love, calls and visits. I'm doing my best to stay positive and will keep you posted.

~AC

What a Friday!!!

2010-03-26T22:08:00.002-05:00

****I am guest blogging today, you will see why in a moment...Joe

I am sitting across from Amy right now. I don't have any children for the rest of the weekend. We can lay and watch movies. We don't have to do any yard work or clean the house. We don't have to work hard for our food, or mess up dishes. Someone will clean up after our showers and messes.

Sounds just like the vacation that the two of us have said we needed???

Well, not really the case. So today started as any typical Friday for me. I stayed up way too late, put off packing the kids stuff for daycare till this morning. Asked Amy to wake me up when she goes to work, and then she forgot. So I did the mad dash from 7:30 till 8:00 to get the kids packed, fed, clean up and out the door. I walked out the door at 8:10. Not bad time.

Got to work and Amy so graciously had a pop and breakfast sitting at my desk. That helped!! Then I get a call from Amy. Her stomach hurts, and not just like stomach ache, but she is in pain. She calls the nurses line, and they say go to the ER. So I am at work for about 30 mins, and then back out the door. Not a big deal. I just want Amy to feel better. And the fact that she is in pain is a big deal. This is the girl that had two c-sections, and only took half of the pain meds prescribed, and then stopped 2 weeks early. She is one of those, "I work through the pain so I know how my body feels". Not me. I always joke with her that if I was having a baby, I would get the epidural when I pulled in the parking lot.

So we are off to the ER. Amy is in pain the whole way there. I am freaking out, but not showing it. This is my rock. I might seem like nothing rocks my cage, or low key, but not when Amy is hurting. I try to act tough and say it is going to be ok, but I know something is wrong. We get to the ER and they take her in. 1 hour after we get here, she finally gets some pain meds. They worked to dull the pain, but she still hurts. They take her for a CT and 30 mins later, she has pancreaitis.

So now we sit in the hospital. Amy just got another dose of meds and she is snoring. She will tell you later that she doesn't snore, but she is cutting logs. We are told we have to stay at least two days and wait and see. This will be the longest two days of my life. The thing about pancreaitis is you have to wait until your pancreas goes back to normal, and then they can see what is wrong. Amy can't eat until things are back to normal, which I said is two days. I feel very bad for her. I wish this could be on me. She has not had a very good last two months. Waiting for this all to end and for our family to get back on to better days.

So like I said in the first paragraph of this blog, it seems like we are in heaven this weekend. In fact we are in a little bit of hell, but we are praying for everything to work itself out.

I pray that my wife will be fine. That this is a fluke thing, and we will be back to our messy little house, getting ready to clean it one more time again. I pray that her pain goes away, and that we can get back to our life of loving each other and our two little boys. Oh, how we miss them already.

So, for all you bloggers out there...send a few little prayers to one sassy family, that has been one sick little family for way to long already this year.

Joe

I've been away with SO much to say.

2010-03-25T21:47:00.001-05:00

I blogged my little heart out tonight and my hubby (and DVR) are calling to me.

See below and I hope you enjoy!

We went to the Zoo, Zoo, Zoo..

2010-03-25T21:12:00.017-05:00

****** I have messed with this post 5 MILLION times and CANNOT get it to line up the way I want to. Please excuse the layout. Thankyouverymuch.

We went to the Zoo today with the Z family & had a good time.

We saw all sorts of animals but this coyote was hilarious.

He kept "striking" this pose and it made me think about the

fact that I feel like that some days. Like standing in a room and

stretching and howling. Too bad he didn't howl for us.

Aidan (looking at the camera) had told me earlier that day how he'd seen a bald eagle at the Zoo & sure enough, we saw it again. I tried to get a better shot but they all turned out dark.

Here are my boys at the reef looking at the fishes. I love the way Jack smiles and lights up when his curiosity peaks. We visited shark tanks filled with many large and amazing fish. Jack was a little scared of the sharks but Luke was intrigued with the whole thing.

This last one is my favorite because we were headed home and being cranky with one another. Joe pulled out the camera in order to make me laugh which then captured this photo. I love it and I love him. J, I know lately life has been full of sleepless nights and sick kiddo's, but in the end, I wouldn't want to share it with anyone else. :0)

Honored

2010-03-25T20:38:00.001-05:00

Have you ever had a moment where you were surprised

and thrilled to tears all at the same time?

Last week we brought over food to T & E's house because they just had a baby girl.

We came, added some goodies to their fridge, and shared some pizza.

Joe and I got our baby fix while taking turns holding Miss Molly.

After, as we were eating pizza, T& E began to tell us how they came by the date for Molly's baptism. They aren't doing it till June, due to classes/schedules etc... and were filling us in on their process. Mind you, if you know me at all, I kept asking questions and interrupting them. Little did I know that they were going to ask us to be her Godparents!

I was so honored that I began tearing up and hugged them both. We have grown much closer to their little family in the last few years and I cannot tell you how great that has been.

Joe is so smitten with Molly that each time we see her and leave, he comments how "cute" she is. We are also pretty enamored with her siblings Aidan and Charlie as well. Charlie is funny and always making us laugh with his requests for "lunch". Aidan is smart and witty too. He and Jack are either the best of friends or bickering like brothers.

Molly,

We are honored to be asked to be your Godparents.

We are excited to watch you grow up and will always be here for you.

You are beautiful and amazing!

**** This photo was "borrowed" from T's FB page.

I hoped to get one from her but didn't ask in time for this post. Hope that's ok T!!

In my head and Monkey Bread....

2010-03-25T20:18:00.009-05:00

Dear Luke,

I just have to tell you how much you make me laugh daily. From your cute little waddle as you become more steady when you walk, to the way you dance at the hint of any music around you. I love your lil' diaper butt and remember now, so vividly, why I wanted to "try" to have you when your big brother was this age. I adore the way you snuggle up to me and the way you love your Daddy. Your blue eyes are what gets me most. That, and your big belly laughs.

The newest thing you like to do is pretty funny as well. Anytime I take out the camera, you turn to me and say "cheese" with your tongue hanging out......

It ends up sounding like "sheeshh" But the face you make is the best part.

******************************************************************************

Before I met Joe I hadn't ever had the joy that is Monkey Bread.

This is how it starts out looking.

It tastes the best with these two handsome devils making it.

Moving the stool to keep helping.

His "jet-ski" had to help make the carmel that goes on top.

(yes, we told him it's a snowmobile)

Jack Jack,

I love (and sometimes loathe) the way you find one thing and focus on it so intently. I love your compassion with your little brother and your concern for others. I love the fact that there is never a dull moment it the car because we have great conversations. I most of all these things love when you first wake from a rest and are fresh faced and sleepy. You let me hold you oh.so.close and snuggle like you did when you were a babe. I adore you son.

***Sadly, I was too busy consuming the Monkey Bread to take the final pictures :)

Beautiful Day, Beautiful Boys

2010-03-25T20:00:00.004-05:00

Have I mentioned the weather here has been pretty great??

Sorry, I'm just so happy to be outside.

Here's looking at you kid!

Brotherly Love.

Wherever you go, I'll follow too.......

Poor boy

2010-03-22T20:19:00.002-05:00

I went to pick up the kiddo's from their nanny E's house today with a small spring in my step. I hadn't been feeling well & had stayed home to get some sleep and feel better. It was 60 degrees according to my car temp gauge thingie and I was day dreaming of a long walk to the park, planting seeds, and pulling out toys from the shed.

Then I walked in the door. There sat my buggie, with rosey cheeks and a sad face. He was full of tears and when I touched him he felt like he was on fire. I was really scared. E, doesn't have a thermometer and thought she "wouldn't call, since it was so close to pick up time."

I got him home and found he had a fever of 102.5. He said his tummy hurt but not like "the frow-up" just hurts. I gave him Tylenol and an hour later he was no better.

Now it is 8:27 and he's at urgent care with Daddy. He's also getting a chest x-ray to make sure that his pneumonia has cleared up.

Poor poor Jack Jack. My boy who loves nothing more then the wind in his hair and riding his bike wherever the wind decides to take him. He will be down and out. I'm hoping not for long though. I worry sometimes when we seem to have been so constantly sick, if there is more too this.

For now I'll just pray that he will get some medicine and no-one else will get it. Wishful thinking I know..... but a girl can try right?

8 Quick Hits.

2010-03-18T13:42:00.006-05:00

1. Another wonderfully warm day in MN. By warm I mean about 60 beautiful degrees. Bare with us AZ folks! This is heaven for MN in March. We will be park bound again today until Daddy gets home. Then off to see Baby Molly and bring her little family some yummy foods (which I need to finish making).

2. We met up with Jenny today and her adorable kiddos, W and L. Who BTW are getting so big and seriously cute. I told Jack earlier in the week that we would be seeing them. I have now learned that it's not so smart to tell him to far in advance. Once he's told he will talk about it and ask over and over if it's time to go see them yet. Upon getting out of the car when we arrived, Jack bear hugged W and they both fell over. They then skipped hand in hand to McDon's and it was wonderful. Luker was flirting with Miss L and when I held her, she was snuggling me too. Not only was it amazing to have great conversation and vent a little about all that is going on in my world, but Jenny made us this delicious looking dish below for dinner. Doesn't it look wonderful?! I can't wait to heat it up. Thank you Jenny!

3. I found out Tuesday that I there is a good (85%) chance they might be outsourcing my job. That was interesting. It's been one of those months that I just wish I could pretend hadn't happened. I mean there has been some good points, but for us, it's just been really a lot of bad news.

4. Grandma stopped over and gave us some gardening tips as well as some yard pruning tips because I'm copying Jenny and starting a garden in the house to be later put in the ground. I'm more of a fruit person myself, but I'm hoping to maybe get some melons going as well as some other veggies and herbs. I think Jack will love it.

5. Luke has discovered the art of taking something he's not supposed to, or touching stuff he shouldn't and when caught, running gleefully the opposite direction. He loves everything from the toilet to our blackberry phones. He also loves sucking on the charger cord for the phones which is awesome. I caught him going for the remote today. It's hard to have a firm NO, when you see that little face and hear that giggle. He's just a sweet natured kid, yet he's into everything. Here's one time I caught him heading for a remote........

6. The boys nanny E, has a large fear of bugs which has translated (in some cases) to him being a little afraid as well. Not that I blame her. That's one bonus of living in MN, they all die come winter time. I have caught myself letting a little scream escape when a centipede is scurrying across my floors. So, maybe he got it from me. That said, he found a spider about the size of my big toe in the bathroom this week and I mustered all the bravery I had to go over and kill that sucker. I was proud because all I wanted to do was run far far away. Here's Jack after playing with W and getting ready to rest. His shirt says "Conserve Water, Stay Dirty."

7. I have found that over the last few weeks of sadness and stress, I find myself going back to my ipod. I tend to choose the same artist and play 3 of his songs over and over as well as a small compilation of inspirational Christian songs. I mention this only as a recommendation for anyone with small kids or someone who likes a song that has wording that might relate to your life.

The artist is Darius Rucker (or Hootie from the band Hootie and the Blowfish). The album is ironically named "Learn to Live." My favorite songs as of now are "It won't be like this for long", "Alright", and "History in the Making." *** If you click on them, it's the youtube video.

I LOVE them. ***No I wasn't paid for this, I just really feel like their words/message touch my heart and make sense in my life.

8. Last but not least, I want to throw out some apologies to my friends and family. I have been pretty down in the dumps and self obsessed lately and I'm sorry for not being more open to what is going on with all of you. The pity party needs to end. If I lose my job, we will figure it out. We hope to have more kids and "This too shall pass." Thank you for taking my tearful phone calls and listening over and over to my heart. I'm very blessed to have all of you. I love you.

Joe, I know I have been all over the place emotionally and that you are worried about me, but I'm seeing the light again and I'm trying to turn it around. I promise you that I will work harder to share my heart and not dwell on what we cannot change. I'm hopeful and excited to just keep moving forward with you.

Thanks also Joe for the dance in the kitchen this morning...... I needed it and it made my whole day. I love you.

Puppy Love

2010-03-17T13:58:00.004-05:00

Today is beautiful in MN. I mean seriously B E A utiful. Thank God for that. I was having one of those mornings where there were 5 or 6 things I needed to do, but the boys had other ideas.

My windows are open and since Luke decided that morning naps are for infants, or Mommy missed the morning nap window, we went for a walk/bike ride. Jack biked while Luke and I walked.

It was wonderful. The sun on our faces, no need for more then a sweatshirt and Jack dictating each and every turn. No real plan, just wherever we ended up was fine. I wished I had planned and packed a lunch, but we made the best of the granola bars and water I did bring.

We ended up at a park very near our home. We are lucky to have about 5 (yes FIVE) parks within in 3 blocks of our home in every direction. There is one though that we seem to always be at. Ironically I used to work there in the summers, running the local day-camp. It was one of my better jobs :).

As we played today, we happened to look over and see a gaggle of puppies running in a yard across the street. They were all black and all ADORABLE. Leaving our cares and stuff behind, we scaled the big hill and crossed the street to say hello. This Momma cannot

resist puppies. Especially soft, sweet black lab puppies.

There were 9 of them. Momma is a golden lab and Daddy a chocolate one, yet they had 13 all black puppies. Jack and Luke enjoyed them too.

I cannot tell a lie and deny the fact that I have been hinting to Joe for a while now that I'd love a big dog. The hard part though is that a big dog means more to care for. There's potty training, teaching them to not jump up on people, shots, fixing them, ect. Plus, we have 2 little dogs at home now.

I can dream though, I can dream about puppy kisses, and wiggle waggle tails, I can dream about a large lap dog that won't leave my side but will run and play with my boys and protect us well too.

Someday we will get our big dog(s) :). When Jack and Luke are able to pitch in and help out with the chores involved.....Till then, I may just convince Jack to visit the park again for no reason other then simply that his Momma can watch and see the little puppies & dream about one of her own.

Picky, Picky

2010-03-15T20:30:00.004-05:00

When it comes to the word *picky* I tend to go the immature route and think of the word nose, or snuggie. However, I have been called that word ALL of my life.

When I was little, my mom would make stir fry for the family and mac-n-cheese for me. She just "didn't want to deal with the ongoing battle anymore."

I thought nothing of it and usually skirted food issues other then an occasional dinner with new people. Then I would drink a lot of water/milk and "chase" it down.

However, that Karma, she's one sassy lady for sure. My son Jack was born and in walked Karma.

I used to watch the old "Jon & Kate plus 8" and think "wow, how does she do it?"

Well, she's not a rocket scientist, she's just firm on the food subject. I haven't been and, Lord help me, I'm getting it back in spades.

That said, Joe and I have made a list (longer then I intended) of goals for 2010 and one of them is to take a stand on the food subject. Tonight we did and while Jack is now in bed without dinner, I'm ok with that. I need this battle to be peaceful.

It' can't be any worse then the battle of sleeping in his own bed can it? We shall see. Pretty hard to be angry at that sweet face.

Twitter

2010-03-14T20:18:00.003-05:00

I have a twitter account and even a few followers (whoo hoo!)

However, I rarely use it.

I decided that I'd like to have one for here.

So those that follow me on twitter.... I'm changing to this address

twitter dot com slash onesassyfamily. Or you can click here to follow me.

I'm hoping to be following more peeps really soon.

Stephanie says it's pretty cool.

Hope you'll soon be following me too.

Meet Molly

2010-03-13T21:09:00.006-06:00

Today was one of those days that on the outside was gloomy and foggy. But in our lives there was sunshine and wonder.

Joe and I decided to take our kids to the dog park and on the way he was quiet. I asked what was he thinking and he stated simply, "I'm going to be an uncle today." It was so sweet and melted my heart. Joe's sister T, was induced today and at 2:06 p.m. (after just 2 pushes) Molly Elena arrived. All 8 lbs. 2 oz., and 21 in. of her.

We had the chance to visit her tonight and took it.

Isn't she beautiful....the camera just doesn't do her justice.

I just love all of her hair.

Just about the proudest uncle you're gonna find.

One of her big brothers and her daddy.....

I didn't get a good one of her Mommy,

but she was smiling from ear to ear and for good reason.

Happy Birthday Molly!

Welcome to the world. We are so happy to meet you.

She

2010-03-12T19:48:00.002-06:00

When thinking about my little family and our little life, the word she pretty rarely comes into play. I'm truly the only she in the residence. Well, to be fair, one of our dogs is female. Otherwise we are full of testosterone.

I don't mind this little fact. I rather quite like being the lady of the manor. I have had this conversation with Jenny many times, often saying that if "all I ever have is boys, that's just fine."

Until today. Oh how today was one that came on without warning of being different, only to reveal a little truth that in one full sentence gave me the feeling of being punched in the tummy while also feeling a little bit of joy.

How can this be, you ask?

We had our follow-up appointment from having the D and C. We were running late and had skipped lunch, to make it there for our 1:30 p.m. call time. We arrived and to spare you the details, didn't get to see the doctor till 2:30. We were so happy about this fact. NOT. She comes in, all apologies and asks us how things are going. We talk a little and she kindly drops a bomb.

Dr.: "We were able to learn the baby's gender, would you like to know?

I look at Joe and cannot tell what he thinks so I go with my gut.

me: "yes"

Dr.: "well, it was a little girl." "I'm so sorry for your loss"

me: "thank you" (in my head: what.... did she say girl.... we had a little girl.... ???)

There is a "bright side" I guess, we know we can conceive a girl.....but I guess I have always known there was a 50% chance of that.

Just when I had begun to feel a little better, I'm back one little step. We had a daughter. I know She would have been beautiful, and She would have been wonderful. More then this though, I know He needs her in Heaven and She will make a wonderful Angel. She is ours.

There is no was.... She is, and She will always be our little Angel.

Powerful.

2010-03-10T14:26:00.004-06:00

I know that 2 weeks ago tomorrow, we received news that changed our lives in a small but, powerful way, forever.

I also know that each and everyday I try to look up to the heavens and thank Him for Joe, Jack, Luke, our home, family, and friends.

I don't know if you are Catholic or Christian, or what your religious practices are. In our church, during mass, we are giving a small moment to ask God for prayers of our "own intentions." I can tell you that each and every time I ask, it is almost always for the same things. I ask for health of our little family. I ask for us to be safe, and I ask that God do the same for all the children in the world. While I know that this is a lot to ask, I was looking over some of the blogs I frequent today, and Stephanie had a "Tuesday Tours" tidbit that caught my eye and made me cry buckets. She posted a link to this blog, called "We are THAT family". The entry, called "Today I went to Hell," is powerful and moving.

Yes, we have suffered a loss. Yes, we are still hurting and trying to heal, but we are so very lucky to be blessed with the life we have that I cannot imagine feeling pity for myself, when there is so many others who are just trying to live to see another day.

That blog was both powerful, full of perspective and compassion. I think we all could use a little more daily perspective and compassion in our lives. I know I can. I also know that I will thank Him tonight for the life He's given me and for the blessings too.

WHAT A DAY!!!!

2010-03-05T20:31:00.003-06:00

If you'd seen me today, depending on the time, I would have had a various run of emotion.....

6:45 a.m.

I was crying while telling a co-worker about our sad news. She too was crying... I felt so bad.

11:30 a.m.

I was angry because Luke was acting more sick and we needed to go back to the doctor for the 3rd time since Saturday. ugh.

1 p.m.

We were in the doctors office learning that like his brother, he may have pneumonia and will need a chest x-ray. Anyone who's witnessed their child have that, can only know how hard it is to handle. Poor Jack began to cry as he heard his brother wailing a few steps away. I stood there, holding him, looking to heaven, and begging that although God knows where my true limit is, I feel as though I have hit it days ago.

2:30 p.m.

Joe and I are running to get ready. Joe once again has come to my rescue and left work to help me with the kids. I am squeezing in my first shower in 2 days ( I know, ICK right.) and we have a prescription for the 3rd time in a month for Luke, who we have been told has bronchitis. Lovely.

5 p.m.

Joe and I are in a local church with co-workers. We are packing bags of food that will feed hungry children in Haiti and for the first time in a long time, I'm smiling more then I'm serious We are all dancing to songs like "girls just wanna have fun". It feels good and we have fun.

7 p.m.

I have just finished up dinner with the same people and have had 3/4 of a margarita. I am laughing to the point of tears at the fact that while telling the co-workers about Joe's laundry shrinking habits, I say that I'd rather he toss it (the shirt) in the dryer and "shake it up so it doesn't get too stiff" To which we (the whole group) look at each other and pull a "that's what she said"moment. I know, I know... we are soooo mature.

8 p.m.

We are home, Jack is happy and excited to see us before heading to bed. I am here sharing my heart and all I keep thinking is "what a day. what a wonderful roller coaster of a day" We had such a nice time tonight, We got to forget for just a little while that our hearts are hurting. We got to laugh and be together. It was wonderful.

*****I do fully realize now that the set up of this blog is similar to one I recently posted.... but it's my blog and I like it. ;0)

Mixed feelings

2010-03-04T20:25:00.002-06:00

Back to work tomorrow....

physically feeling ok, emotionally still up and down. I'm wary of going back. Joe said his first day back people either avoided him like the plague or asked all perky like "How was your weekend?"

Maybe if they ask I will lie and say great.... then I won't have to explain.

Either way, I need to get back into the groove. This week was in the low 40's here and it was wonderful.... the only real down side is that Jack has walking pneumonia and Luke might just be getting it as well.

I know that things will forever be different for us now that we have been through this. That said, I'm beginning to attempt to pull it together and make the most of the sadness. To learn from the pain and look for the window I'm praying has been opened since the door had been slammed shut so hard last Thursday.

It's amazing what a week can do for you. I didn't cry at all today (yet). I laughed and played and danced a little too. I ate M& M's (thank you Becca) and finished the last of "the cookies" (thank you Teresa). By goodness then came Dona with Oreo's. They too have brought comfort. While the flowers from Candi begin to wilt, I still look and smell and remember that I am loved.

The one hard lesson I have learned in all of this is to be more aware of the people who matter most to me. By that I mean, be aware of my actions and words with them... make time for them in their time of need and being available to them. As I get older, I'm finding that I really don't care for the drama or the fight some people constantly bring into their lives. I care about the people that live in my little home and the people who care deeply and honestly for us. I go forward putting my time, heart, and hope in them.

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger...... J and I are feeling stronger, little by little, each day.

Wordless Thursday: Brotherly Love

2010-03-04T09:11:00.003-06:00

This is a beautiful day for March in MN.... I loved the smile too ;0)

Seriously....I know they are mine but how cute are they???

This is the reason I know I'm blessed...

This and Their Daddy too!

Becca.... the friend I've never met.

2010-03-03T14:13:00.002-06:00

Have you met Becca? If not you can click here to read her lovely, witty and super funny blog. Our you can click on my favorites and she's at ourcrazyboys dot com.

Becca and I became friends through the blog world and I am SO blessed to have become her friend.....

Today started well. I woke up and curled my hair with an attempt to feel better and try to look better as well. I got the kids ready and decided that since I needed to leave the house anyway to run an errand for Joe, I would put my best foot forward and make it a good day.

I gave Jack his medication for his cough and made back to back dr. appts for the kids because they are both fighting something. I figured this way they would see their regular doctor and be covered.

After running the errand for Joe, I told Jack we could stop at Target and look at the Disney Cars. I needed a few things as well. I ended up calling Joe and casually mentioned to him that I gave Jack his antibiotic. He said, "no you didn't, cause I did at 7." I said, "what, I gave it to him at 9:30"

The thing is, he's supposed to get it 1 time every 12 hours and we gave it 2 times in less then 2 hours. I called the nurse line and they told me that I needed to call poison control. WONDERFUL. I called them, and they said he should be fine. Thank you God for that one.

We later make it to the doctor and wouldn't you know that the cough that has been keeping Luke and the rest of the house up at night, decided to hide and play like it wasn't there. The doctor told me that he sounded fine and since he napped in the car on the way there, he's playing in his crib as I type this.

All this fun aside, I came home to a package sitting by my door.

I raced inside, set the kids down, rushed to put everything away, and tore it open.

There, in this medium sized box was 2 large bags of M&M's and 2 sets of coloring books and crayons. There was also a card that stated simply and plainly how much it sucks to be in the spot we are in and how Becca and her family, "are here for us".

Becca, You are by far the BEST friend I've never met. Thank you for knowing my heart without really knowing all of me. I'm so very blessed to call you friend.

Thankful for Sunshine

2010-03-01T19:24:00.002-06:00

On the way to pick up the kids today I picked up some "Wellies". I think that's what you call them right? They are adult rain boots. They are black (my signature color) and have little polkadots.

I then picked up the kids and since it was a balmy 34 degrees here, we headed to the park for some much needed sunshine. It seemed to help and make me feel better almost right away. Watching my 2 little boys stomp in the puddles and putz around in the melting snow was just what the doctor ordered.

We came home and I decided to turn on some music. That too seemed to help. There is nothing quite like dancing with your kids to songs like "We are Family" and "Everybody Dance Now". Then I made breakfast for dinner and by the time Joe walked in an hour later, I was pretty spent. I feel better though. Better to have snapped out of this funk for a few hours and just laughed a little and smiled some more.

It's amazing what a little sunshine, some dancing and some gagging at the t.v. show, The Bachelor will do for sad spirits.

"What can I get you?"

2010-03-01T12:33:00.007-06:00

"What do you need?" and "What can I get you?" are pretty common phrases around here. Each time J asks me, I try hard not to think, "I want my baby back... I want the life we had planned."

5 days ago we were just going for an appointment, now we are here. Different.Broken.sad.

I need to offer thanks to Becca and Bitty for their comment love. It means more to me then you can know that you commented. Thank you SO much.

The weekend came and went bringing homemade cookies from Joe's very pregnant sister. They are beyond yummy to a person who cannot really find anything that has a taste right now. Joe and I took over an hour yesterday trying to think of what to have for dinner because "nothing tastes good." Yet these cookies do. Maybe it's because I feel like she filled them hope for us and it fills me up. Does that even make sense?

Sat night was supposed to be a joint b-day party for myself and a friend Kelly. With both kids sick and me not doing well physically, we were planning not to stop but we did. It was hard and awkward, but we only stayed for maybe 20 min and it was nice to get out. Jack and Luke entertained the group and they made me feel a little better.

Sunday we went to church and I cried for the first 20 min of the service. I think Luke knew I was having a hard time (as only 14 month olds can know) and started to act up. I happily took him to the cry room and was able to refocus my sadness. We came home to my close HS girlfriends bringing over coffee and bagels and just love that only they can bring. We sat, I talked and they listened and it was nice. After I was so exhausted that I napped.

Joe has really stepped up these last 2 days. He mentioned to me that this is his first really close loss in his life. He's lost grandparents, but he was fairly young and not super close to them. He is really dealing well. He's just trying to focus on life and I need to get on the boat so.to.speak and do the same.

I have today off. If it gives you any inclination of how "off" I am, I slept soundly last night and yet I fell asleep again this morning and slept for over 2 hours without missing a beat. I guess I need it right? Physically I'm still feeling crappy and emotionally... well that's going to take longer I suppose.

I know SO many people who are pregnant right now and I was worried that I would resent the fact that I am not, but I simply don't. I'm excited for them and hopeful for them and prayerful that each life comes out healthy and safe for them. I worry that they will treat me differently and pray that this doesn't happen.

I'm kinda random right now.... sorry.

The kids seem to help daily. Last night Jack was at my mom's house and came home to tell us that "we are a family, me, Daddy, Baby Luke & Mommy." We are a family. Yes Jack, we are. No matter what.

I thank God for this little family. I pray to God that someday, once more, we can expand our little family, again.

It's pouring....

2010-02-27T07:59:00.003-06:00

First it rains and then in a matter of 24 hours after learning we've had a miscarriage, the following happens The following is my pity party...........not like it matters.... who's even reading this crap, I wouldn't be.

Friday

home all day after surgery, pick up kids and they are both in bed asleep by 8 due to lack of naps or not good naps all day. Did I mention that Luke has horrible diarrhea from meds he's taking and Jack's coughing is scary bad now? 4 people (all related to us) haven't bothered to call or send a message of caring and while 3 of them I should just write off, the 4th one surprises me and it hurts. I know other people have lives but how long does a phone call take to someone you are close to? Nuff Said.

8 pm to 10 pm:

Joe and I decide to watch the Time Travelers Wife and I don't recommend it, especially after the news we got yesterday.

10 to 11 pm:

Jack gets up 4 times screaming and coughing terribly. We decide then and there that he will head to after hours care in the morning. Joe takes Jack into our bed to hopefully give them both a better nights sleep and I head to the basement to recover more and try to sleep myself.

Saturday

12:30 am:

I wake to Luke, SCREAMING his head off. I get up the stairs as fast as I can and get Joe. We give Luke a bottle and Joe tells me to go back and rest. I no sooner get down and comfortable again and Joe stomps 2 times on the floor to let me know he needs help. I come up stairs to the smell of vomit milk and Luke just going nuts .

1:30 am:

Luke is still up and has now woken up Jack.

2:30 am:

Luke is finally going to sleep and Joe returns to sleep with Jack

I try to sleep, "writing and re-writing" this blog in my head and praying to God for some mercy and rest because I really don't know how much more I can take of this.

5 am:

Jack comes to the top of the basement stairs asking to sleep with me and I say it's fine, much to Joe's protests.... He does come but between his coughing and waking intermittently, I really get no more sleep

7:25 am:

They are both awake and Luke at least seems to have been having a fluke with the vomit, or maybe that is me wishful thinking.

We are exhausted and we are over whelmed. But neither of us would trade the last few hours for not having these 2 little blessings in our lives.

For just a moment

2010-02-26T18:43:00.003-06:00

Today we had our DNC or whatever it's called. We chose this option based on information we were given regarding the miscarriage and some of the things that were discovered in the ultrasound. They wanted to test the tissues and with that, I'll spare you the details.

Calls, facebook messages, texts and even some flowers from Candi are all coming in and making this a little easier. Thanks to those who have taken the time to send little message of prayers and love. We fell blessed to have you all in our lives.

We are both still raw. It's only been 10 weeks but we had plans and dreams all the more for this little angel. We have both cried and I'm grateful to be married to a man who can show me his hurt and let me comfort him too. We hope to do some sort of memoriam for this loss. We are unsure yet of what that will be.

Our families helped out today. Getting the kids to school and Joe's mom even picked them up as well as retrieving 2 more grandchildren for a total of 4 at the end of the day. She has them over the weekend and graciously offered to keep ours over night as well. We decided though that even though I'm feeling pretty bad from the surgery still, we needed to see those little faces. I was worried at first but I thought I would share with you the conversation we had with Jack on the ride home from Grandma's.

Jack: I missed you today DaddyMomma (said as one word)

Me: Me too baby, Do you remember where we went today?

Jack: Yep, To the doctor to fix the baby.

Me: Yes, to the doctor Jack, but not to fix the baby. Remember the baby is in Heaven?

Jack: Yes, because, because the baby is with Jesus.

Me: Yes buddy. You are right. The baby is an Angel in heaven.

Jack: Yep his name is Angel Baby, and she's special.

Me & Joe:(both in tears now) Yes Jack, Angel Baby is watching over and protecting us.

For just a moment today, my little 3 year old son took the feelings in my heart that I have only spoke to Joe and stated them plainly and perfectly. Thank you Jack, for all of this. You, your Brother Luke, and Angel Baby are loved so much by us.

***If you have sent us a message and we have not responded directly, I'm sorry. We don't know what to say just yet. This is much easier to "vent" about all of the feelings.

Lost......

2010-02-25T17:52:00.002-06:00

I feel numb.... there really are no words.

Today began like any other. Joe left and the boys and I had some fun at home. I felt pretty happy because I had gotten the dishes done and the laundry was moving, all while making a game of things with the boys.

We went to the doctor for our 1st appt. with our OB. (We had already had a pregnancy confirm weeks ago)

We saw our OB, gave her our list of questions/concerns and then she went on to do her phyisical exam.

Then came the Fun part of the appt. Hearing the baby's heartbeat. I am just 10 weeks so sometimes it's hard to hear. However, with both Jack and Luke, we were able to hear it.

She looked and tried unsuccessfully to find it. No big deal right? She saw my face and said she'd be fine with doing an ultrasound. I felt sheepish but I knew that I would feel better if we did.

We had one done the "regular" way. They had a hard time because they figured "my bladder wasn't full enough". Then they did a vaginal ultrasound, that showed "no signs of life"

I woke up today, planning the next 7 months with a babe in my arms and on my breast. Now I'm left with an empty feeling to match my no signs of life womb.

I know that "time heals all" and "this too shall pass" but like Becca says the thing I need most might be some my husband, soft kleenix, and some crappy food with some girlie movies.

Then again, I just want to go to bed and not leave. The only time Joe or I have ever smiled since we learned the news was when we have seen Jack or Luke smile or just be happy in the room.

I also know many women go through this, I know I'm not alone, I just feel that way. There is guilt because I was so surprised about this pregnancy and I worried about all that would happen.

I feel lost, very very lost.

Please send up prayers for us.

30 and flirty

2010-02-17T13:26:00.003-06:00

Well, if you haven't seen below, today is my 30th birthday. WHOOPIE!

J surprised me this morning with the sweet and wonderful blog below. He also hand made cards from him and the kids (which are my favorite kind, BTW). He also cleaned up the house and did the dishes. All this before leaving at 7 a.m.

My birthday gift this year was simple and touched my heart. All I have been asking for is to have the house be clean. Nothing radical. Just dusted and vacuumed and all that jazz. This might seem like "duh!, don't you do that daily/weekly Amy?" Nope, I do one room if I can a day. I used to do more, but since there is a little life growing in my belly, I have been pretty gosh darn useless when it comes to most of the cleaning, laundry, and dishes. I have good days, but mostly I take the time right now, when (if I'm lucky) the boys are down at the same time and I can steal a blog and then a nap too. I'm even more lucky to have married a man who could care less if the home he cleaned this morning looks like a tornado hit it by noon and his wife is choosing to rest. So, getting back to my gift, our nanny also does home cleaning and when I say that, it's an understatement. She's BEYOND through. He asked her to come last weekend and clean. She did and I cried. I cried because he gave me a gift even better then a clean house. He gave me the gift of time and a clearer mind. I wasn't thinking about all the mindless tasks I needed to complete. I was being mindful (thanks Jenny) of my time with him and the kids.

Jack has been sick for the last few days with diarrhea (sorry Jack) and so we have been sticking pretty close to home. Lots of snuggling and more t.v. then normal. This is hard because it's a beautiful 30-40 degrees here. That is prime time outdoor time for MN in Feb. That said, while is brother napped, Jack and I played memory today. I couldn't help but admire the irony of the moment with him. Here we were, in our pj's, on this "big, milestone" (supposedly) birthday of mine, and I was thrilled to have the opportunity to just make a memory, playing memory with my "big" little boy. In the not to far future, my heart and time will be split into a 4th (I count Joe too) person to love. I don't see this as hard. It's challenging on the time front. Therefor, I am so thankful for a little moment here and there, when it's just the 2 of us, like it was in the beginning. Just him and I, hanging out.

My mom (Nana) and Joe's mom (Grandma) stopped over as well. It was really nice to visit with them. Luke woke and when they left, it was just the 3 of us. We read books and cuddled on my lap. We danced and made a choo choo train several times around the house. It has been bliss.

Later there will be homemade cake and frosting with sprinkles (picked out by Jack). There will be dinner and then they will head for bed. If I'm lucky, I'll get 15 -45 min with Joe that will be catching up, dancing in the kitchen and just dreaming of the future.

I always thought that when you turned 30 you were getting old......I've discovered, that I haven't felt more alive, purpose filled, loved, needed, and lucky then I have in the last few years. It keeps getting better. While each day may have hiccups and it's not always easy, for me it's better then anything I can think of.

I'm 30, and flirty with Joe and flirty with the dreams I have for our future.

Happy Birthday Amy!!!

2010-02-17T05:59:00.004-06:00

Happy Birthday babe!

I just wanted to let you know that you are the best wife a husband could have. I hope your day today is extra special, and a great one. Now lets hope the kids cooperate and let you rest. Here are some of my favorite picts of you. You rarely put any pictures of your self out here, so here you go.

I love you so much. Have a great Birthday!

Joe

Valentines Day 2002

2010-02-14T21:44:00.002-06:00

My first Valentines Day with Joe was something to remember.

It was the first time Joe told me he loved me and I will never forget it.

He gave me a poem and a card that told me he'd "fallen in love with"me.

The funny part was that I felt the same way but was too chicken to say it to him first.

So, I made him a card that hinted on the outside like I was going to say it, but instead on the inside it said something to the effect of "I love making out with you"

His shoulders visibly sagged when he read the inside. I could see he was hurt and I was crushed because I felt so bad for not saying it.

He then pulled it together and very bravely gave me his card which, as I stated above, shared his love for me.

I apologized a few times and said that I did in fact really love him and wasn't just saying it because he had.

It was really sweet because every single day, multiple times a day, from that very day forward, Joe says it to me. Mostly first because he beats me to the punch.

He says it and I love that it's a common phrase expressed in our home. I always want my sons to know that it's wonderful to tell someone what your heart says inside.

I love you Joe. More today then I have in the 17 years since I first fell in love with you.

XOXOX ~A

Wordless Wednesday: Pitter Patter

2010-02-10T09:15:00.002-06:00

****For those that are also my Facebook Friends, I haven't shared the news with some other people yet so please keep this between us for now :)

Anniversary Gifts.....

2010-02-10T08:56:00.003-06:00

This year for Christmas Joe and I decided not to exchange gifts. We got new pots and pans as well as a coffee maker. Then I got him t-shirts and undies from the kids and he got my blog printed and bound from the kids.

It was a nice holiday for us. There was the huge snow storm and lots of time just the 4 of us. I mentioned that our anniversary was coming up in Jan. and although we once again agreed not to give each other gifts this year, I said I wished I knew of something I could make him that would "touch his heart and make him cry" the way his gift, of my blog, printed and bound, did for me.

Little did I know that I would be able to do just that.

Joe is one of those hubby's who pays attention to most things pretty well. He's mindful of my moods and usually knows when aunt flo will visit before I do.

So, Jan 13th he was home writing reviews and I was due that very day. He asked had she arrived and I said no but was feeling like she would any moment.

I should back up here and say that we had been "playing with fire" for 5 months or so. We knew generally when I would ovulate and we would mostly avoid baking cookies" (fun term my circle of girlfriends and I created for that). We had a moment in Sept. where I was a few days late and got a taste of how we would feel if we were pregnant. That said, we had just discussed that we needed to be more careful and planned to wait year before trying for another baby.

Then the snow storm hit and Santa Claus arrived and all was bliss in our home. I didn't really think much of it. When Joe asked though, I began to feel like maybe I was pregnant and so I decided to tell him Aunt Flo arrived and take a test later that evening in the hopes of knowing before him and maybe surprising him with the news.

The next morning at 3 am I couldn't sleep so I got up and took a test. I took a photo of the results (not the one above) because I wasn't sure if I saw a line or not. Around 5 am, I got up for work and so did Luke. I woke Joe to tell him I needed to leave and that Luke needed a bottle. He came out and unlike most mornings where his eyes are barely open, his mood was good and he seemed well rested. This was 3 days before our anniversary.

I handed him the camera and told him I had forgotten to show him a photo. He looked at it and looked at me, Not comprehending. The reason for this is it looked a LOT like the test I had taken 2 yrs earlier with Luke. Then I stated that I had taken this test at 3 am today.

He smiled huge and began to cry. I cried as well and said, "I know, I'm scared and excited too." To which he responded, "I'm excited, not scared babe. We're having another baby. I know it wasn't in the plan and that we were gonna wait but remember the timing will never be perfect and we will never have all the money we'd like for this. But this, this is a gift and a blessing and I'm thrilled" (I don't know if that was all word for word but that's what he said.

I will be truthful and tell you that I had a hard time knowing. Please don't judge me because others have a hard time getting pregnant or because it's a gift from God. I know that. I am thrilled now. I just needed to wrap my head around having 3 kids under 3 for a little while and how we would manage in our home, sell our car if need be, arrange for daycare etc...

No matter what I NEVER regretted this baby. This little person was made in our love and I cannot imagine not having him or her in our lives. Joe has been husband of the year since finding out by the way. He's been doing double and triple time on keeping up with house work and keeping my emotional goofy-ness in check too. I have been sick since about 4.5 weeks and that is new for me. I hope to be surprised by the sex of the baby too.

This year for our 6th wedding anniversary, we were given the news that our family was expanding. I got my wish. To touch Joe's heart and make him cry. What I didn't plan on was giving myself the same thing. :)

H.S. Besties

2010-02-08T19:56:00.007-06:00

As stated in my previous post, I had a girls night last Friday evening with some amazing women that I have known for over 10 years.

It had me thinking about the fact that when these ladies and I graduated from H.S. we went to proex and had our photo taken to kind of have a keepsake because we knew that we would all be heading in very different directions.

In the last 10 years that has completely happened. While we live in a span of over 60 miles from one to the next in MN, we still make time for coffee every 2 months or so as well as a pampered chef party here and a bbq there. Sometimes we include the kids and hubby's and sometimes we don't.

Between all of us there have been 4 weddings, 9 babies (so far), a few funerals, even fewer fights, some pretty tough times, some pretty hilarious times and more then anything we have just been there. Been there to witness each other get married, have kids, get hurt by one guy or another, watch our parents and grandparents fall ill or even die. I can tell you that I can count on each and every one of them to be there for me at my most needed hour and while we are all very different, we do share the love of laughter and candor. The candor is what I LOVE most about them.

I can tell these girls pretty much anything and while they may laugh at me, they will still always be there for me.

From Left to Right is Me, Candi (in yellow) and below without glasses is Tina and with glasses is Andrea. The only one missing from the original is Wendy. Below is the original (thanks to Wendy finding it for me). We look so young down here and then I look above and feel so old......Ok we aren't old but I will be the first of the bunch to turn 30. YUCK.

Candi, is the one I love to gossip with most because she gets into it and can be more cynical and sarcastic then me. She is also the most bluntly honest and once told me not to walk out of a dressing room because the dress looked that bad. I love her for this.

Tina is the devils advocate (as I mentioned before). She tends to see things from multiple sides, and is always one to call if advice is needed regarding crazy relatives. She's very level headed and a typical firstborn. She also cooks better then me (and less out of a box) she's always clipping coupons too.

Andrea is a blast. She's the typical self proclaimed ditz but as sweet as apple pie. She was the first to get married and have a baby. She's also the last to turn 30. She's always sending good thoughts your way and encouraging you to have a great day. She's one of those people who's happy 99% of the time and super funny.

Wendy I have known the longest, and was with me the day I met my husband 17 years ago. While we don't see her nearly as often, she's an amazing friend and would give the shirt off her back for us.

As for what they might say about me? Candi is probably the only one who reads this of the group so she'd be the only one to dispute it.

They would say I'm sensitive, loud, funny (sometimes) I don't take enough time for me, I don't ask for help enough, I have no fashion sense and that I love them and need them in my life. That's just a guess by the way!!

I love you ladies.

Recap:

2010-02-08T19:34:00.002-06:00

Here are some little snippets of happenings in our home/lives.

There have been birthdays and I feel the need to acknowledge them because they are some of the most important people in our lives.

Grandma and Grandpa V. both had b-days in the end of Jan. and were lucky enough to have spent them in sunny warm FL as well as some other lovely southern states. To give you any sort of clue how much they were missed, they arrived home on a Wednesday evening and stopped by to pick up some things we were holding for them. At that time Jack was at his dance class and upon seeing their car in our driveway, couldn't contain himself or his excitement at them being here. He bounded up the drive and ran into their arms. They were thrilled. We also had breakfast with them over this past weekend and my little Jack chatted their heads off about pretty much anything and everything. They were GREATLY missed and we are very happy that they are home.

My mom also celebrated her birthday Feb. 3rd. She had a milestone one last year, that was sadly overlooked due to us just having Luke and her chemo treatments. The hope is that since we share a birthday month, we would go to a hotel for a night and celebrate our milestones together. She's truly a bestie of my hubby's and one of the best people I know.

In the past 2 weeks or so we have had some nasty sickies in our house. Luke started with pink eye and now has an ear infection in each ear. Jack has had a persistent cough but thankfully, that's all. Joe went through a mess of a sore throat and body aches last week and ended up missing work because of it which is rare. I have been also feeling tired and generally not the best either.

We also, thanks in part to prayers, calls seeking support and some comment love here and on Facebook, were given last Thursday night and Friday night with both kids sleeping through the whole time. I was VERY excited. Sadly it was short lived, as they then tag teamed us Sat. night and were up collectively 6 times. Yes, I said SIX. The next day the ear infection was discovered and now that we have been on meds for over 24 hrs., we have high hopes for tonight.

I was able to squeeze in some girl time and it was just what the doctor ordered. I had some laughs, shared some secrets, and all in all just got to feel like me for a few hours. Not Mom, not wife, just me :). I am looking forward to getting a second night in this week on Thursday as well.

That's the recap round these parts. I have some pretty neat pictures of me and the ladies on Friday night that I hope to post soon.

For now, Jack is requesting the "Jesus song" remind me to tell you about that little trick that I pulled outa nowhere.

MIA

2010-02-05T15:22:00.002-06:00

I have been MIA.

I miss my blog but have been feeling a bit un-inspired to blog.

The kids are good, and funny as ever.

The same complaints about lack of sleep remain although Jack gave us a nice sleep filled night last night and for that I'm so thankful.

I have been kinda down in the dumpers and then up and go lucky.

I cannot seem to just get my brain together and write something that someone, besides my beloved J would like to read.

I have stuff going on and am hoping to get out of the funk I have been in for the last week and blog more.

I have a date weekend planned next weekend as well as some girl time tonight and next Thursday so I'm thinking that will help a ton.

Now if we can get healthy and stay that way, things would be bliss.

While I'm MIA I invite you to click over to my favorites and read their lovely stuffs.

I'm also requesting that if there is a blog you think I'd enjoy, comment and let me know.

Happy Friday and hope all of you are well.

?

2010-01-30T21:22:00.002-06:00

I cannot think of a title so that will remain for now.

It's Saturday and we were graciously offered by my Mom to take Jack and keep him overnight so we could get a full nights sleep. That offer was made about a week ago and oh how we looked forward to tonight.

Then Friday came and was going well when we got a call from daycare.

"Could we please come and get Luke because he's showing symptoms of pink eye."

Sure thing. We go, he's goopy. We hit up the eye doctor and get a perscription for eye balm instead of drops because he's so little and that's that...... or so we thought.

Now, Saturday evening. Luke wakes in the a.m. with both eyes goopy, which we expected. We run some errands and he gets up from a nap with a temp too. Nothing super high but just enough to worry this Momma. He's also cutting 2 teeth and normally I wouldn't bat an eye at this whole thing but I was recently told that kids shouldn't have a fever when cutting teeth. I'm guessing then he's got some sort of virus.

He's also constipated (Sorry Luke). So to top it all off the poor kid is just miserable. This Mommy is sad too. I cannot really console the poor guy and Daddy's with him now and seems to know tricks to help but I still feel just awful.

Please get better Luke. We love you and feel so bad you are sick. :(

Thank you Jennifer Garner

2010-01-28T10:16:00.002-06:00

In our local Sunday paper here in MN, there was a article containing an interview with Jennifer Garner. In the article, Garner talks about the need to find balance in life when you work and have kids. (Or if you don't work and have kids)

There is a particular quote that really resonated with me as well as a few other amazing Moms that I know.

“I will tell you what I can’t abide—and I think the Internet has really created a space for it—women criticizing other women and mothers criticizing other mothers. It just makes me crazy, whether it’s between staying at home, going to work, how long you breast-feed, if you use formula. I feel like we should just assume everyone is doing the best they can. Women should take care of each other, not tear each other down.

“I would just like to see a mother who really believes that she has done it all so right, you know what I mean?”

I know that before I had kids I was the best "parent" around. I knew the fix for any screaming child and wondered to myself what was "wrong" with those parents. I now know that I was in la la land and I stand corrected.

Yesterday we invited my dad over for some advice regarding our car situation as well as a visit with the kids. After complaining about my weeks and weeks of nightly visits from Jack, I was given some "advice" on how we could be better parents. We were told about how Jack needs to know who's boss and so on.

In a way I was hurt and angry but I was also humbled by his perspective. More hurt then humbled I will admit. Like Ms. Garner said, can't we all just assume that we are each doing the best that we can?

What's best for us may not work for others. I know that I have often recieved a "look" or interesting comments when Joe and I have expressed our want to have 4 kids. I find that those who want more then the standard 2 are open andthe rest give me a "wow, well good for your guys but I want to be able to afford to give my kids more ect..." (not that they mean to offend us, I just find it interesting sometimes)

Why does it have to be that way? I don't say to them, "Wow, you're only having 1 or 2! Your poor kids won't know the love of multiple siblings to have relationships with, or more family to lean on in tough times" I don't say this because I simply don't feel that way. I feel that each Mom/Dad/Partnership knows what is best for them and if that means 1 baby or 19 like the Duggars, then more power to them. I know I couldn't handle 19 kids and homeschooling, but I admire Michelle for what she does.

I admire Jenny, for how often she cooks (I'm getting better but not nearly there yet). I admire Candi for the amount of girl time she has in her life and makes time to do so. I'm just not that way. I wait till I am overly needy and then head out with the ladies. I admire Tina's need to be the devils advocate (most of the time) and wish I could do that more. I admire Andrea's positivity and happy go lucky attitude ALL THE TIME and wish I was that way as well. I admire Teresa's sense of where things go in a home and making it look like she hired someone to do it. I could go on and on.

More then the above ladies, I know where my strengths are (most of the time) and where I need more work. I don't hate these ladies for their strengths or this less of them for it. I'm not perfect and I get cynical sometimes too. I just cannot imagine thinking that another Mommy is terrible for a choice that makes her life easier/better. I may say "oh I've tried that and it failed for me" but to each their own.

If you peeked into my home today you would see a complete mess in pretty much every room. You would see dust bunnies and dirt and dishes that need cleaning. You would even find a Mommy blogger in serious need of a shower.

But.....you would also find 2 little boys who have played all morning with their Mom. They have tested out cars and games and books. They have danced, eaten breakfast, and one even got to snuggle with Mommy and be rocked to sleep which is something we haven't done in a long time. My boys aren't perfect, neither am I. But they are PERFECT for me and for Joe.

Stepping off the soap box now.

Fears.....

2010-01-26T15:27:00.003-06:00

* I fully admit that I have blogged about this before so if you are sick of hearing about it, don't read. :)

I cannot quite put my finger on it but at some point in the last few months Jack developed fears.

Fears of Monsters, Dinosaurs, dark places and so on.

I don't blame him one bit but I also am at a loss for what to do with the side effects that these fears are having on our lifestyle.

These side effects are mostly fine but the one that is just killing us mentally and physically is the night time fears. He goes to bed, I'll admit later then he should most nights after the multiple requests for a drink, an extra book, going potty....ect.. He then falls asleep with x-mas lights on and a 40W bulb on as well. As if this isn't enough to calm him, we play music or a book on cd. He is usually asleep between 8:30 and 9:30.

Then around 11:30 he gets up. Eyes open and sometimes screaming. He comes into our room or knocks, bangs, screams and flips out at the locked door (if we remember to lock it) and comes in asking to sleep with us.

I'm fully admitting that we did allow this for some time and then it became every night as well as the two of us getting NO sleep from him being there. So, we have been trying for a month now to get him out of our bed. He is no longer allowed in the bed and can choose to sleep on the floor in a sleeping bag, or go back to his bed.

For a week or so the end of the bed was working...... however, now he's waking still at least 2 times more. When we ask whats wrong the answer is "I don't know"

It's becoming horrible. Crabby me and Crabby the man snapping at one another and the boys. We are also failing to get anything else accomplished. Beyond that, we are all feeling the lack of sleep sickies.

At this point I'm wondering if he's just pulling my chain or what.

I have to go now though... they are up.

Wordless Wednesday: Take that Oprah!

2010-01-20T18:47:00.007-06:00

The 2 jobs I love most in the world are

Being a wife to this guy......

and the Mommy to these guys......

Sorry Oprah, this Woman wants to be a WIFE.

For more on this issue, visit Darcie's latest blog, she rocks!

Yep, I went there...... (a little TMI)

2010-01-20T13:41:00.004-06:00

Today started out like any other.

Jack had skating lessons and my Mom agreed to take Luke. (which was great too)

Jack's lessons went wonderfully and we decided to have a play date with our friend Logan and his mom Tiff.

They came over and the boys played while Luke napped. After nap, Luke got up and just wasn't himself. I knew that he'd been kinda constipated (TMI sorry)so, I have given him a mixture in the morning of 1/8 prune juice, 4/8 or 1/2 apple juice and the rest water. (yes, I know bad idea)

Well it worked. LIKE A CHARM.... or maybe way too good.

He was irritated and had gone twice, so I figured it must be the teeth he's cutting.

Tiff suggested that maybe a warm bath would help him and that's what we did.

Tiff and Logan left and just as Jack was getting into the tub to play with brother, BAM!!!

Luke's tush area exploded into a mix of wonderful nasties, ALL over the tub and toys and thankfully for farts prior to the explosion, I had grabbed Jack out before the mess could hit him.

There I was, 2 kids, naked and wet.

One 1/2 way covered in his own feces but 10 times happier then moments before.

What to do? What to do?

There's no handbook for this.... and for those going... come one this is easy, give me a break.... I was also fairly sleep deprived.

So, I put the kinda washed off feces babe in his crib, in a towel.

Shut the door to the bathroom after turning on the fan.

Grabbed pj's for the older munchkin and set him in my room to dress himself and watch a little Dora the explorer.

Went back to the babe and changed him, changed his sheets, his changing table pad and all.

By the grace of God there happened to be 1 long glove under my sink so I was delighted when I found it and could use it to remove the toys and "other things" floating the tub.

Days like this remind me that days where there are tantrums aren't really that bad and they also make me laugh out loud at the sheer amount of "stuff" that can come out of someone so small.

Lesson learned though... way too much juice period and never try to figure out a home remedy for constipation when tired.

Why I love Brett Farve

2010-01-18T20:11:00.002-06:00

I couldn't figure out how to upload it there so the You Tube link is here.

Or copy and paste this into your browser.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONmEVro8Fog

back to the grind.

2010-01-18T20:00:00.002-06:00

If you are like me, you know those typical Sunday nights. Where the weekend doesn't seem long enough and here it is Sunday evening and you are kinda bumming about heading back to work. I am very fortunate that I only work part time but I still feel the ping of not wanting to have to go back. We were even given the day off today and I'm still wishing for more.....

The house is fairly clean, the boys are content and happy. There's really no reason for feeling so sappy. ( I can't help the rhyme...I'm cheesy like that)

Tomorrow will be busy and that's the way it goes. For tonight though.... there is ice cream and cuddling on the couch with the Man, there is watching snippets of the Bachelor because my dear friend Jenny's husband is blogging about it with some very funny insights and therefore I must watch to laugh harder then I already do.

Lord, thank You for Sundays and holidays as well. Thanks for the Man I cuddle up with. Thanks for this outlet of a blog to say pretty much nothing important and thanks for those who might even read it.

If you are a bachelor watcher or even if you aren't but you get the jist of the show, check out Jenny's blog. It's pretty funny. :)

The Chipette's, a Swagger, & the "Versaries"

2010-01-17T13:12:00.006-06:00

I must confess here and now that I downloaded songs from the new soundtrack to the Chipmunk movie "The Squeakwell"

I did this for Jack.... well, ok 3 of the 4 songs were for him. The last one was for Mom.

The one for Mom is called "Girl Put Your Records On". It's a Corrine Bailey Rae song that always makes me dance.

Anyway, I love the beat more then anything, and all of a sudden there was the Man. He was cleaning up a few dishes as the boys & I sat and danced a little. I noticed though that as he walked away, there was the swagger.

In my humble opinion, you need to be quite a man's man to pull off a swagger to the chipettes. But he does, oh how that man does. He also then turns to me and says, "I saw you lookin'!"

Yes dear, I was lookin'. I will keep lookin' too if that's alright by you.

Today is our MANaversary.

Nope, I didn't spell it wrong.

Today we celebrate our 6 year anniversary the Man way.

There is a Vikings game on and by the power of DVR, we will get to watch in soon because the boys will be sleeping.

There will be bbq wings, hummus, flatbread, pizza rolls, soda and some yelling at the t.v.

It will be amazing. Amazing for the Man I was blessed to marry. Amazing for the wife who gets to cuddle up next to him. Even more amazing because tomorrow we have the day off and the kids will have a sitter.

That will begin the WOMANaversary.

There will be a chick flick.

Italian food.

Cuddling.

Shopping.... or rather browsing.

Did I mention what an amazing couple of days????

It's what I like to call a combo anniversary. Both parties get some gender needs covered :)

Hope you are having an amazing weekend too.

Painting, Ghosts & Milestones

2010-01-16T20:35:00.002-06:00

The title may be confusing but, it pretty much sums up my weekend and it's only Saturday night.

Let's tackle ghosts first.

Lately (ok, who am I kidding here? For at least 6 months or more) Jack has been coming into our bed at night. EVERY night. He would sneak (yes, like on his tippy toes and everything) and get into our bed so as not to wake his already tired parents who would promptly kick him out. We would then wake to being kicked as we slept or in the morning wondering when he came in.

So, we then resorted to locking our bedroom door. Next he would wiggle the handle and scream "LET ME IN" at the top of his lungs. While this happened, to my utter amazement, his brother, who was but a door away, would remain sleeping. (thank you God for that one). After much thought we are trying now to give him the choice of back to his bed or sleep on our floor at the foot of our bed (in a sleeping bag).

I know some people have family beds, and if that works for your family, great. For us though, we get almost no sleep and are lovely to one another after just a few days of no sleep. I have often wondered if it's bad dreams, or if he's "seeing" something. I have been told by some that he very well could be. This makes Joe get the willies and makes me worry as well. We have been praying over him at night and trying everything we can think of to eliminate the fears he's having. Do you think ghosts exist? I am still unsure. At one point I did and now I'm back to unsure. Or maybe the better word is not wanting to believe/know if they do.

Have any of you experienced this? If so, can you please offer advice? We need it.

Milestones: Simply put, Luke started walking. January 15th at around 6:30 p.m. he (very proudly, I might add) walked around 10 steps into my arms as Joe and I watched. We were thrilled. I had literally just finished a sentence to Joe's sister C about how he hasn't taken more then a step here or there and poof, he called my bluff. It was wonderful.

Painting: Joe's other sister T had mentioned to me that she was looking to pull a "While You Were Out" (a TLC show that is really cool) on their master bedroom, while her husband was out of town to the Philippines for a few days. Mind you, she's 8 months pregnant with their 3 little one and has a 4 year old and 2 year old at home. She is also very aware that I LOVE to paint. ( I know, I'm a strange duck). I agreed to help and (because I'm that kind of crazy) also proposed that we just "go ahead and paint her basement as well"(since I knew she also had been wanting to do that). It should be stated that they live in a rather large home and their bedroom is about 14X20 and then the basement alone is 1000 square feet. (ok, I'm totally guessing here, but you get the point that I was outa my gourd with this line of thinking that we could get it ALL done.)

So, we arrived there this morning and my wonderful/amazing husband went up to move the furniture for us. He then rounded up 3 of the 4 kids and took them to an indoor play place for a while so we wouldn't be disturbed. After lunch, he boldy suggested taking all 4 kids (ages, 4,3,2 & 1) to our home and napping all of them there. T and I were floored at this thought but I can tell you with sheer pride that he did it and even had all 4 sleeping for some time. GO JOE!

We painted one solid wall an amazing color of red as an accent and the other 3 khaki. Then we re-arranged their furniture as well. We shared stories, secrets, insights and fun. It was a pretty fun day and thanks to Joe we got it all done. I will admit now that my arms and hands are starting to get sore and I have vague signs of blisters but I would go back tomorrow because I adore painting. It's like having a massage to me. Very therapeutic.

Note to all: will trade painting for babysitting, good cooking, Caribou Coffee (decaff please) and just about anything :0)

Tomorrow J and I will celebrate another sort of wonderful...... We will be married 6 years!!

For now though, I hear him snoring in Jack's bed which means books are done and it's time for this Momma to get some rest.

Nighty Night.

The one in which the tears get the best of me

2010-01-15T07:44:00.002-06:00

I'm a sensitive kinda gal. I have thick skin in some ways and in others I'm more of a weepy emotional type of person.

Today the emotional side got me. For good reason, I might add.

My husband calls me on Friday mornings at work to say good morning and ask if there is anything I have forgotten to bring with me to work that I might need. ( I know, he's the best)

I usually then get to hear the sounds of Jack and Luke in the back round and if I'm really lucky, I get to "talk" with both of them.

Today, Jack and I had a little conversation. He told me how at swimming later tonight he's going to dunk his face in the water and that his cousins will think it's soooo cool that he's doing this.

He also told me that he missed me and I needed to get home soon. Then we hung up. Daddy then called back and told me Jack wanted to give me a kiss and hug. My little sweet boy said, "Mommy, I love you." I know there will come a day when my son will only give me kisses and hugs behind a closed door because it's not very cool or his friends might see him. But until that day comes, I will take each one that he decides to share and hold them so close to my heart.

Tuesday Rollercoaster

2010-01-12T14:08:00.004-06:00

The weather is beautiful today.

Here in MN, beautiful in January is

17°F Wind Chill: 6°F

January is one of the months where you pray hard for weather in the teens and higher so that your kids can stop going stir crazy and get outside. That is just what we did today I needed to get to the grocery store and since it was pretty cold earlier this morning I decided that was the best time to grocery.

I went and the 3 little boys with me were very well behaved. Jack, Mr Picky eater himself, was thrilled for his free apple and Joey (my nephew) requested a banana as well. Upon finishing the older 2 proceeded outside for about a half hour and then came in to eat. They then went back out for over an hour and I had to beg them to come in. That is a rarity in this state. January usually unleashes it's bitter cold and there are not many fun days to play.

For those that are in sunny and warm states like AZ, the one nice thing about MN is that the bugs freeze here this time of year and the roaches don't fly. :) Other then that, you've got us with your wonderful weather :)

There's Funny, and there there's NOT funny at all.

2010-01-10T20:22:00.002-06:00

FUNNY:

So, I'm standing at church today and a woman who's son is in my swim class comes up to tell me how much her son loves my class. She then tells me "You know, you look really different with your clothes on." ..... so I'm thinking, thanks, I think?

NOT EVER FUNNY:

My dad asked J and I to meet him at McDonalds in CG for lunch today. We haven't been there in forever and I decided to let Jack play in play land. I went to the counter to help carry food and overhead Joe telling the manager that he just watched a kid drop a bun on the floor Laugh about it and put it back on the burger he was going to serve in Jack's happy meal. When the manager scolded the kid he looked right at Joe and kept laughing. My dad is now going to write to McDonalds and the health Department. Gross!!!

To Pre-school or not to? That is the question.

2010-01-08T15:51:00.004-06:00

It's the time of year that, as most parents of toddler/pre-kindergartner's know, is the time for thinking of the fall already.

This time of year you are sent a few invitations to various pre-school open houses, told of their registration fee's, and their waiting lists.

I got my undies in a bunch yesterday, scouring the Internet to try and decide where to attempt to enroll Jack. Our situation you see, is very different from others. I work Monday and Friday all day, so while most pre-school's in our area are 2 days T/TH or 3 days, M/W/F, the best choice for us and most convenient, so that we weren't inconvenient to others, was the T/TH choice.

I had a hard time with that. I love my time home T/W/TH with my boys. I love that we have the freedom to decide in that moment to have anything from a play date, to a pajama day.

I know that if he goes this fall, he will be in pre-school for 2 years and then onto kindergarten. I also know that it's very selfish of his Momma to want him to be home just a little longer. But, as his Momma, that is my choice. :0)

So, do I go with T/TH for 2.5 hours for next fall or just wait?

Thank goodness for Mom's intuition and gut feelings. The best decision for us was in my gut and I'm grateful for that.

We have decided to wait. I feel immensely better about it too. He has a lot of school ahead of him and I feel like starting him this year or next isn't going to be life changing for us.

Your turn,

What did you do regarding preschool?

One Year?

Two?

I need a vacation

2010-01-07T14:47:00.003-06:00

I went to the dentist today.

It was bad, so bad that I will need seperate appts. and my dentist can have a nice vacation when he's done with me.

Nuff said, moving right along

Joe and I are about to celebrate our 6th anniversary. I cannot believe it's been 6 years already. I remember getting married and saying for year 5 we will go someplace fun ect.... well it's year 6 and we have yet to take a vacation for our anniversary. We did get to get away in September of 07 for a day or two to the east coast. That was fun.

Either way this Mommy could use a vacation or even a stay-cation.

Luke's Birthday In photo's

2010-01-06T16:25:00.009-06:00

Before the actual day there was a party.

Before the actual party the was a cake that lit up :0)

Then the party day came and here are some of the wonderful friends who attended.

(there were around 19 kids that came)

Literally 2 seconds before we were to leave the birthday boy hit his eye and got a cut

(and later a shiner for his actual birthday)

But as you can see he didn't mind.

The boy played with gyms mats and fun toys/games.

Then there was pizza, his favorite. YUM!

Next came a candle and some singing.

What? No more cake for me?

The part ended and the very next day came the icky tummy flu.

This boy got it first and it lasted the longest for him.

By his actual day there was no singing or cake, just snuggles and baths.....

4, yes F*O*U*R, baths that very day.

But once again, this amazing little man took it all in stride and didn't mind.

Happy 1st. Birthday Luke!

Sorry it's so late!

$7 Bunk Beds

2010-01-06T16:02:00.005-06:00

I love a deal.

I love getting something used or new and paying WAY less for it.

I also love getting used stuff because it's more "green" Also, then there is more green in my wallet ;0)

For all of this I live a few websites. twincities free market, craigslist, freecycle and even ebay on occasion.

This is how we came by new bunk beds for a total out of pocket cost of $7.00. Now I should mention that most of the stuff happened all by chance but either way I'm thrilled.

Here are the old bunks

(they were wonderful, just to large for our room)

Here are the new ones.

(the other half of his room is wide open for playing)

Wordless Wednesday: I Heart Him

2010-01-06T15:57:00.004-06:00

*His shirt says he hearts puppies, but I heart him!

All I have is pity

2010-01-06T14:18:00.004-06:00

**I feel the need to state for the record that most of this blog is TMI and most would choose to keep it to themselves. That is not who I am.

I received an email today.

This email was meant (I believe) to provoke me into anger.

I mentioned at least once that I have 2 brothers. They are my half brothers. We share the same father and beyond that (I feel) not much else. One of them emailed me.

I used to admire these men, one is even my son's godfather. Sadly now all I have is pity.

They have their reasons and I have mine. There was an argument almost 2 years ago. They formed opinions about things they know nothing about. Suffice to say we are very different people.

I'm sad for one person in this whole thing. Our father. He is truly the only one hurting. They are the ones hurting him. I don't mean to point the finger like I had no part in this. If I'm being honest, I could let it all go and act they way they deem I should, and make nice. I cannot though. Not for my dad, or them.

I know it hurts my dad and I'm sorry for that. I cannot fathom how I would feel if my children didn't speak. In this case (as my dad does) I would respect their decision though.

I'm also sad for the person that they believe I am, and Joe is. Because, sadly, we are very opposite those people. I refuse to waste time trying to prove who I am to anyone.

The sadness I feel though (again honestly here) is very few and far between. All I have for them is pity. I pity what they are doing to our father. I pity what they are missing in knowing my children and for us knowing theirs. I pity for the "family" they choose not to be a part of.

I am thankful for the husband I have though. I would probably continue to allow them to beat me up if he hadn't said ENOUGH. He will have none of it. As he stated, "They are both poison, We are done allowing that poison in our lives and the kids lives." Joe's really good at that. He's good at looking at anyone and seeing who they really are. In his words, "You start out with a chance from me and if you blow it, I'm done!" He's also fiercely protective of me and our little family. For him, I am grateful.

I do wish that someday, for dad's sake, we can get the (grand)children together and take a photo. We tried the time that everything exploded. The boys refused, in an effort to hurt me and sadly, it hurt my father. I don't care if we don't speak at all, just take that picture for him.

I can tell you that the first draft of this included more shots at them and less reflection. I feel that while I'm being true to myself about the way that I feel, by stating the last sentance, I am not pretending that I'm an un-sarcastic person. I came up with a few very funny things to say and decided that my sons will read this someday, so I want to do right by them.

Jack and Luke, should you ever go through a period where your words and actions seriously hurt the other, please remember that once upon a time you loved each other. Once upon a time you chased each other around the "circle" or our home and playfully wrestled. Once upon a time, Jack sang to you Luke, to make you happy and came running to me when you were sad.

I think that some adults lose the respect and love for each other in some cases and some look at others and judge. Boys, I hope I teach you not to judge people and to form opinions based on who the truly are and what works for their lives, not what YOU think they should be.

I love you both and pray that you never go through this. I also pray for my father. Daddy, if you ever read this. I meant every word I said on the phone today, "Go, have a blast with your sons, and their kids. Go to Thanksgiving and every holiday with them, if that works for you. I love you and am lucky to have you as much as I do. Just be Happy Dad. Because I am happy and I love you. Nothing and no-one can change that. Love, ~A"

Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Hey Hey Hey, Goodbye

2010-01-05T10:46:00.003-06:00

Tonight I am doing something new-ish.....

Something I haven't done in a VERY long time.

I'm very excited about this something.

I'm also scared/embarrassed about this something.

What is it you ask?

I'm going to work out.

Yeah, Yeah, Yuck it up.

Same resolution as most others, I know

Here is the difference for me.

Joe and I don't like the fact that we lose steam when chasing our boys and we both don't like the way each of us looks. (I like how he looks but he doesn't and vice versa)

So I'm singing the song......

To the Oreo's (not all of them... just more then 1 per day)

To the soda (switching to diet and one can a day)

To most of the foods I love with all my heart...I'm looking for healthier substitutions and or smaller portions.

To the endless snacking while bored/sad/or just plain anytime.

I bid you all farewell

Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah.... Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah.... Hey, Hey, Hey, GOODBYE!

I'm off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of loss (weight loss that is) :0)

Giggles

2009-12-29T21:55:00.002-06:00

More Christmas

2009-12-29T21:50:00.004-06:00

I forgot about this one. This is Christmas morning before Daddy and Jack are up.

Isn't he just so handsome? 6:10 a.m. and smiley as ever!

I made this ornament when I was in kindergarden in 1985. It's my very favorite one and is always the last to go on the tree. This year my mom gave it to me for our tree.

This is a new game they play and it makes Joe and I laugh. Once Luke is walking, I get the feeling Joe and I will be running for our money.

Random thoughts

2009-12-29T21:28:00.003-06:00

I'm in a little groove here blogging, so I'm going to share some random thoughts from the last several days.

Joe got me the coolest gift. I have mentioned it below. He said he worried that I wouldn't like it because I already have the blog online. I loved it. Made me cry. It's neat to have it in a hard copy form and be able to go back and read most of 2009 from a blog perspective.

We had a very full Christmas day plate. We thus (for maybe the second time ever in his life) had to wake up Jack to open presents. Here I would have thought there would have been screaming and loads of excitement along with statements that "he was on the nice list" Instead though, in such a perfect little sleepy voice I saw my son look at our tree and simply say "cool" Then upon opening his gifts he would say "it's just what I always wanted" even to the socks he needed from Mom and Dad.

I can tell you all with a little guilt in my heart that this was one of the best Christmas holidays we have had. We decided to do it our way. By that I mean that when we'd had enough of everything, we left instead of staying because we felt we needed to. We also skipped a trip north to see Joe's grandmother who is just shy of 94. It is normally an hour and 45 minute drive, but with the weather that had been happening, we figured it would be at least double that. We needed time at home. So we took it. In spades. I do feel bad. I know it meant a lot to his mom. I even tried to tell Joe we should go. Ultimately though, it was what we needed.

I warned you that this was going to be random....

Christmas in pictures.

2009-12-29T21:08:00.007-06:00

Twas 2 nights before Christmas and all through the tv's,

The weather people sang of blizzards and freezing

*this was only the beginning

Most would have ran and been quite upset

but we Minnesotan's make some fun, "Yeah You Bet"

*Daddy gets creative with snow shovels

Thank goodness we headed to see Santa at the Mall days before,

and wouldn't you know, we hit not one store!!

The day finally arrives and we dance with excitement

First to Poppa and Nana G.'s to open gifts with delightment

Then back to our home to see Nana and Tae Tae

Where we exchange more gifts and finish our day.

Now the kiddies have been spoiled and our bellies are full

But without our health and each other, this day would be dull

I've now ran out of clever/funny things to say.

But, I hope you all had as much fun as we did Christmas day.

Merry Christmas (belated) from our home to yours.

**I should also note. I was so busy enjoying the moment with Joe's family Christmas eve that I didn't take any photos with them. I hope to post some of the play the kids put on that night. They re-enacted the Christmas Story. It was wonderful.

too lazy to make the time

2009-12-29T20:46:00.001-06:00

Dear Blog (and bloggy friends)

I'm here in my mind and spirit. Each and everyday I say a little blog (or 4 of them) in my head and have all the right intentions to "put it out there"

Alas... I do not. I hope to do so very soon. I have been busy. Busy living my life with my boys and enjoying each moment that we are having.

I did get a very cool present from my 3 boys this year for Christmas. Daddy pulled all of my blogs into a word document and had them printed and bound into a book for me . It was so very thoughtful and sweet. Just like my boys.

Hope all of you are well. Thankfully you aren't a bunch of slackers like I am. I have been sneaking a peek or two at your blogs.

Till I get/make sometime... hopefully soon.

Good intentions.....

2009-12-21T07:28:00.005-06:00

I have a few blogs floating in my head. Ones filled with photo's of Luke's party and ones of his actual birthday, where he was in the bathtub 4 times due to diaper blowouts (eww).

But I have been busy.... doing "wonderful nothing" Sleeping in with my family or taking naps and getting back to better health. Making memories in the extra snow we have been given. The best kind of being busy I can think of at the moment. Time with my little family and enjoying the holiday season.

However, I have been reading blogs by my favorites. Daily.

Jenny is talking about what gifts she is giving her kids. They are great ideas.

Stephanie is giving advice/tips/great items away on nursing and motherhood. Check her out.

Darcie went to see the Ten Tenors and shared her thoughts.

and then there is Becca.... have you read Becca's blog?

She and I both have boys (hers are older), we both have Jack's too. We both have hair that frizzes and although we have never met, as Stephanie said about Jenny, I know we would be "great friends in real life" Should we ever meet. She is a fun blogger and I love her posts.

Borrowing this from Becca.....

What are you listening to right now?

Now I'm listening to Wally Lamb (audio book) The hour I first Believed.

What are you watching right now?

Nothing

What room is your computer in?

Desktop is in the family room in the basement, Laptop is with me on my lap :)

Do you have Christmas Lights up outside?

YES!! Joe put them up and I am so excited.

How long have you been blogging?

Since Feb, 2009. I started in 2008 but only blogged 2 times and then quit for a year.

If you could go back in time, where would you go and who would you meet and why? I would go back and meet my great grandparents in Italy. I think knowing them and maybe my grandmother back then would be wonderful. I adore being part Italian and would love to see more of that history

If you could be paid to give of your time to others, what would you most like to do?

I kinda feel like I already do that. I teach swimming and love it. I would love to work in a school with kids. Anything to be able to give back to kids.

If Santa could bring YOU something This Year, What would that something special be? Just to be healthy and maybe to make this blog my own url?

If you could have your blog readers know one thing about you, What would that be?? Like Becca said, I love comments. I sometimes wonder if people really read this. I once looked to try and see if I could tell and ended up "following" myself so I need to figure out how to undo that. I like reading some one's take on my words or if they laughed. I often read other blogs and laugh out loud, then explain to Joe what is so funny.

A year ago.

2009-12-17T14:07:00.002-06:00

This morning I woke up on the basement floor (I'll explain that later)

I hear crying and walk upstairs.

Luke is in his crib. I go in and give him a bottle.

He is laying there in my arms and it's the wee hours of the morning.

I am humming to him softly.... Christmas music.

As I sit there, it dawns on me... "It's his birthday"

So I begin to hum Happy Birthday and I go back in my mind.

One year ago today I was anxious with anticipation of the birth of my second son.

I was scared. Terrified, that I hadn't waited long enough to have him "naturally"

(thankfully my MD later told me he had never "engaged" in my pelvis and that my body doesn't "like" having kids the old fashioned way)

I was also over the moon with excitement. He arrived at 11:46 am one year ago today.

Sheer joy is all I can think of when I want to find words to describe this past year.

His beautiful blue eyes, The cute toothy grin.

He is so easy going and sweet. Just a wonder to be around. I cannot wait to see what the next year holds for you my sweet little boy.

Happy Birthday Luke Joseph! I love you so much and thank Him everyday for bringing you into our lives. You completed our little family and we are so lucky you are here.

*** I intend to post pictures but at the moment I cannot locate any fast enough.

What a week.

2009-12-17T14:05:00.002-06:00

We have been seriously sidelined by the stomach flu. I also see after mentioning a blog post from Darcie's hubby to my hubby he has now taken to blog hijacking as well. He's such a sweetheart.

Thank you Joe or DH(Dear Hubby)

I am going to choose to over post once again.

P.S. I LOATHE the stomach flu.

DH (Joe) taking this Blog Hostage

2009-12-16T03:38:00.003-06:00

Hello all! This is Joe and I am, what do they say, taking this blog hostage. Well, it is 3:30 am on Wednesday morning. It was my night for kids watch. The littlest one hasn't been feeling very good, and instead of a bottle before last night, he had Pedialyte. Knowing this, I was pretty sure he would be up for a bottle in the middle of the night. He was, but he wasn't what woke me up first. It was the oldest having a nightmare. After comforting him, and getting the oldest back to bed, as I was walking back to our bedroom, the littlest was up. Oh well, right. The life of a parent with two little ones.

Anyway, as I was laying in bed, my mind started to race. This is something my wife talks about often when she tries to get rest. This is usually not something that I experience. I am the type that head hits the pillow...I fall asleep. Not tonight. As I was laying there, I started to think about the house, the wife, the kids, and work. So I thought, 4 hours of sleep, I am good to go. So while I was laying there, I also thought, wouldn't it be cool to take Amy's blog hostage, and post something. She has always asked me if this is something that I would ever do. I said no. As stated below in her last block, I am an introvert. My heart is racing as I type this. This is not the norm for me. I do not like sharing my feelings, especially with the world. But I thought I would give it a whirl. Well, here I am typing.

The main reason I took this over, is I wanted everyone to know how very lucky I am to have Amy in my life. We are polar opposites on many things, but that is what balances us. When Amy is thinking of everything we need to get done and is starting to get overwhelmed, she will ask me what I am thinking about, and I will be like "that cloud looks like a tiger". She'll laugh and then ask why I am not freaking out. I am always, "well get it done" and we usually do. I am very lucky to have a patient wife that understands how I operate. Most people say I am the patient one, but you have to be pretty patient to deal with a person that needs to think about every scenario before making a decision. Especially for an extrovert that likes to think out loud. She is patient. I love her very much every day and am very blessed this time of year to have her. She thinks of everything we need to do around the holidays, plans it, and gets it done. I am here for the ride and I enjoy it so much.

So, when we first got back together in 2001, I started to write her poems. I wrote a Valentines day poem in 2002, a Christmas poem in 2002 and 2003, and a mothers day poem this year. My plan back in the day, which was a Wednesday by they way(I took that one from Dean Cook), was to write a Christmas poem each year. So since I didn't keep my word, I decided I would post my Christmas poem to Amy this year on her blog. No judgement...but here it is...

Christmas 2009 is well on its way

The shopping is done, thanks to you and black Friday

The Christmas tree his hung, and decorated all nice and bright

Now we finally have some time, for just you and me tonight

These winter nights are always my favorite time of year

Its cold, the air is crisp, which leads to keeping you close and near

Another thing that I love that is right down our avenue

It gives us many reasons to stop and enjoy our favorite drink, caribou

This year, again, we get to enjoy our holidays with the boys,

We went a little crazy again this year, spoiling them with toys,

The anticipation of them open the presents, is something I can't wait for each year,

Especially to see there little bright faces, with smiles from ear to ear,

But the best time of Christmas and the holidays is being with you,

I do enjoy how much you love the season and the things for our family you do,

I just hope that you know how much you mean to your three boys,

Without you, your love, you glowing spirit, it wouldn't be worth it...not even for the toys.

We love you and and so very very lucky to have you in our life,

That is why I write these poems, because I have the best wife.

Love,

Joe 2009