There is a particular quote that really resonated with me as well as a few other amazing Moms that I know.
“I will tell you what I can’t abide—and I think the Internet has really created a space for it—women criticizing other women and mothers criticizing other mothers. It just makes me crazy, whether it’s between staying at home, going to work, how long you breast-feed, if you use formula. I feel like we should just assume everyone is doing the best they can. Women should take care of each other, not tear each other down.
“I would just like to see a mother who really believes that she has done it all so right, you know what I mean?”
“I would just like to see a mother who really believes that she has done it all so right, you know what I mean?”
I know that before I had kids I was the best "parent" around. I knew the fix for any screaming child and wondered to myself what was "wrong" with those parents. I now know that I was in la la land and I stand corrected.
Yesterday we invited my dad over for some advice regarding our car situation as well as a visit with the kids. After complaining about my weeks and weeks of nightly visits from Jack, I was given some "advice" on how we could be better parents. We were told about how Jack needs to know who's boss and so on.
In a way I was hurt and angry but I was also humbled by his perspective. More hurt then humbled I will admit. Like Ms. Garner said, can't we all just assume that we are each doing the best that we can?
What's best for us may not work for others. I know that I have often recieved a "look" or interesting comments when Joe and I have expressed our want to have 4 kids. I find that those who want more then the standard 2 are open andthe rest give me a "wow, well good for your guys but I want to be able to afford to give my kids more ect..." (not that they mean to offend us, I just find it interesting sometimes)
Why does it have to be that way? I don't say to them, "Wow, you're only having 1 or 2! Your poor kids won't know the love of multiple siblings to have relationships with, or more family to lean on in tough times" I don't say this because I simply don't feel that way. I feel that each Mom/Dad/Partnership knows what is best for them and if that means 1 baby or 19 like the Duggars, then more power to them. I know I couldn't handle 19 kids and homeschooling, but I admire Michelle for what she does.
I admire Jenny, for how often she cooks (I'm getting better but not nearly there yet). I admire Candi for the amount of girl time she has in her life and makes time to do so. I'm just not that way. I wait till I am overly needy and then head out with the ladies. I admire Tina's need to be the devils advocate (most of the time) and wish I could do that more. I admire Andrea's positivity and happy go lucky attitude ALL THE TIME and wish I was that way as well. I admire Teresa's sense of where things go in a home and making it look like she hired someone to do it. I could go on and on.
More then the above ladies, I know where my strengths are (most of the time) and where I need more work. I don't hate these ladies for their strengths or this less of them for it. I'm not perfect and I get cynical sometimes too. I just cannot imagine thinking that another Mommy is terrible for a choice that makes her life easier/better. I may say "oh I've tried that and it failed for me" but to each their own.
If you peeked into my home today you would see a complete mess in pretty much every room. You would see dust bunnies and dirt and dishes that need cleaning. You would even find a Mommy blogger in serious need of a shower.
But.....you would also find 2 little boys who have played all morning with their Mom. They have tested out cars and games and books. They have danced, eaten breakfast, and one even got to snuggle with Mommy and be rocked to sleep which is something we haven't done in a long time. My boys aren't perfect, neither am I. But they are PERFECT for me and for Joe.
Stepping off the soap box now.
2 comments:
Amy, I think this is the best post you've ever written. Well said!
I second what Jenny said. Great post Amy! I agree with every word.
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