7 years ago.....and CRANKY!

I remember the day like it was yesterday.... It was shitty out like it is today only more snowy and sleety..I was having lunch at work with a guy friend and a co-worker came down to tell me that my cousin had called but not to rush to call her back. So, I went upstairs and called only to learn that my mother and her sisters had decided to pull the plug. I immediately called Joe who was just a boyfriend at the time and one who hated hospitals. He asked if he should come and I said no. I left and went and was there.... they pulled it and she went quietly and peacefully. It was so very sad and yet so peaceful I stroked her hair and said goodbye... and then I fell apart... only to look up and see Joe holding my Aunt who he had only met once before. "He came" was my thought... he really cares and he came.. It meant the world and that's when I knew that God took my beloved Grandma Jo because he had given me Joe in return. The thing is though... after that initial moment and for a small amount of time I grieved but then I put it outa my head... now I still grieve and like I stated before and Joe has said.. I need to get over it. I just miss her. I miss the wrinkles and rough edges of her fingertips, I miss the way she ate a cheetoh. I miss how she would fart and smell up a room and laugh about it.

I miss feeling her around me... as the tears flow freely down my cheeks I cannot help but wish I was back in her house and playing cards with her and eating Wong's food. "I wish upon tonight to see you smile.... if only for a while to know your there...A breath away is not far to where you are. I know you're there"

Today I will allow myself to feel it freely and to grieve and be sad... if only for now when the babe's are asleep and a few small moments to be just me... not some one's mom, or wife or aunt or whatever... just Me. Grandma.... I love you and I need your strength to help me and I need to feel you near me.

Ok, the tears are here and the emotion is too much to continue.. so I will finish by listening to the song and helping myself outa this rut. I deserve it and she would want it that way.

~A granddaughter who was loved to pieces and who can only thank God for the gift of her Grandmother~
AC