SO.... darnit I was really trying to not start that way. Had you asked me at 4:30 today how my day was going I'd have replied "I gotta say it was a good day...eeeiiii" However, it's now 7 and my tune is a changin.... My 2.5 yr old Jack is been quite the "challenge" lately. More like the reason I need to bang my head against a wall but don't for fear of further brain damage and I need my brain.
The good part in today was that I have been itching...(no, not like that you sicko) itching to go back to school. I am interested in 3 different paths that I would love to explain to you but cannot at this time because I'm lazy and tired. Thus in expressing this want and fear to Joe I received this in return via email:
One thing I know about you, is once you put your mind to something, it gets completed, and at the best quality. Oh...you need some examples, well here are 10.... Swimming lessons for Jack ECFE for Jack. Couldn't get in Tuesdays, but what day is Jack going to ECFE Every phone we ever bought outside of our two year agreement...some how, they are always included. When T-moblie couldn't get us a signal in Hammond, somehow the fee was waved to get out of that contract Basement project. We would still be working on it if it was left in my hands. Oh wait, we are still working on it, and it is in my hands. But for what we got done was a direct reflection on what you drove to get completed. The toys down in Jacks playroom, the toys up in jacks room, and the constant change between the two to stimulate our child's mind. Not me. All of the packing before we go on trips. If it were up to me, clothes in a bag before we go, and $300 in bought clothes I forgot to pack, not to mention a fan, a sleeping bag, a pillow, and food. The lists come in handy Excel spreadsheets on budget. Once again you created them, they work fantastic...if I use them. Garage sales, ECFE sales, anything to save us money. You look into it, you research it, we save mulaa. Your love for me and our children. That is not easy, but you find the time to do it everyday, and not half donkey.In a matter of 1 min I came up with a list of 10 things. When you put your mind to something, you do awesome. That would be awesome momma. You need to look at this list above and realize you are a very smart, funny,passionate, and determined women. You can do anything you set your mind to. If you want to go back to school and get a degree, you will do it not only well, but in the words of our son...Awesome.I love you,
Aww Isn't Joe great. I'm lucky and blessed. The 3 ways that I'm determined to go are either the business route because it would be good for my current job. The second would be the early childhood ed route so I could work in a school and be with the kiddos. The third and final and most interesting one to me would be in the health care industry. I would love to be a nurse in the infant nursery or something like a ultrasound tech. But we shall see. As Joe puts it.... I have all the time in the world and as he told our son to tell me "just a little patience... yeahhhh" Sorry, these are "ism's" that are kinda exclusive inside jokes in our little family.
We are expecting a storm tomorrow and I find myself daring the madness to come. The reasoning I feel is lets just get it over with (or the secret reason I hate to admit... so it will cover Gram's gravestone and give me an excuse to not go out there) Today, sadly I didn't live in the present. I was in the past and am still feeling stuck there. I pondered today for at least 20 min about how I could visit her grave without getting majorly upset or scaring the kids. Joe has offered multiple times to go with me and support me and yet I put him off... why is that? Why do I avoid this feeling (remember, up there, about daring the snow) Why do I avoid things that are hard for me? I'm guessing because they are hard... Or maybe it's because there again is the risk of failure. I don't want to go back to school for nursing for fear of failing. I don't want to go to the grave to face the "music" so to speak. I also feel that deep down if I see the grave then it's once again so incredibly real and as well... scary.
Here I am again... babbling about her and there is the sadness. There is a song that my Aunt found when Gram passed, it's called "to Where you are" by Josh Groban and I highly recommend it if you have lost a loved one.
Now, I'm sounding a bit off and feeling rather unfocused so I will cut myself off from blogger. I'm distracted by Ellen. (as in the tv show... Love her)
~AC
Posts
0 comments:
Post a Comment