Blah Blah Blah

I haven't been feeling much like blogging lately but a few cute things have happened and I thought it would make me feel good to just put them here and boost my spirit.
Jack is becoming funnier by the day. For example: Yesterday he says to me "Momma, what's that?" I replied "It's a sucker that goes on your finger" (ie ring pop) and he said "Pretty Cool Momma" He's just sooo smart. He amazes me with his daily demonstrations of logic and compassion as well as his ability to remember stuff. He just received the book "where the wild things are" from Joe and I for Easter ( a favorite of Joe as a boy) and he's now got the whole book down pat and that in itself is amazing. I'm hopeful that his spirit continues to grow and flourish with each passing year and that he becomes a wonderful man.

I do often question my reactions to him and how I deal with him when he's naughty. I need to gage myself better with these things. Somehow I feel that I will always question myself and feel that I could have done this or that better. All in all though I know it's more or less a learning experience and that's why I'm not too upset about it.

I need to get some current photo's of LJ taken. He's way over due for his 3 month ones and have been working with my SIL to have her do them but also want to take some myself as he is changing so much and don't want to miss out on anything. He's sitting up really well now and just a really smiley and happy baby. He's 19 lbs 12 oz at his last apt and 26 inches long. So, he's a big boy and such a sweet good natured kid. I feel so blessed.

Joe and I went swimming to get ready for a test for a job that I have accepted in the aquatic dept of our local Y. I am a horrible swimmer and although Joe won't admit it I know he's thinking I can't do this and so am I. Need to though and am fearful that I won't and that it will send me into a further state of depression. I fear that I might have the start of post partum and am battling my way to not feel like this. We shall see how I do. I have moments of real happiness but they have seemed to be fewer and far between. I just need to feel whole again.. Like nothing is missing and yet it angers me more then I can describe to say that I'm feeling there are things missing in my life... Not like most would think. I'm SOOO blessed... but I find myself trying to convince myself that it's true... I have a great Joe and 2 beautiful boys and a good job. We are a loving family and the money issues we have are our own creation. So why then is there this feeling of something that is unfilled... I don't know. I plan to find it out though... I'm hopeful it's exercises that I need and not oreos which have been filling the space... or streussel cakes (another one I would recommend in moderation..)
Till then I don't know... but I will find out.. I can bet on that.
~AC