Rejection

I'm sad... there isn't more to explain it then that.

Last night Luke was fussy (he's teething and once again mildly constipated) I admit also that I have been a little down ever since the hospital thing and on top of all of that I'm running on even less sleep then usual. It should also be said that at one point in the beginning of having/nursing Luke, I could pump 18-20 oz out of both breasts after he was sleeping through the night. Now I'm lucky if I get 6-8 total in an overnight.

Back to last night. Luke was really fussy. His naps had been off all day and yet he was eating fine ect... When I went to nurse him in the evening though he screamed and cried and pushed me away. Joe came into the room and in an instant Luke was happy and smiling. Joe asked what he should do and I wondered allowed if I just didn't have enough milk right now. So he warmed a bottle and Luke took it right away. I was sad but like Joe said "It's just one time" Because I work part time and get up at the crack of dawn to get there I didn't get to nurse Luke this morning or all day today. When I finally did, (I usually pump every 4 hours and the last one had been at 2:30) so when he was hungry at 5:30 I tried to put him on and was once again refused. I also tried to dismiss this because he ended up taking a bottle but not a ton of that and then took a nap. I didn't pump or anything so just now I can tell he's tired and sleepy so once again I go to put him on and he latched for a little bit and his face goes all red and she gets angry at the sheer amount of work he's needing to do to get some milk so he screams and pushes me away.... 3rd time now friends.

I'm am admitting that I'm seriously bumming about this. Are we done now? I seriously hope not. I want to try again to tell him that this little moment we get to share is such a moment I need right now. Joe says that maybe because his teeth are coming in he's liking the bottle more or maybe he can sense my stress. Whatever the case I'm just so sad.

I quit with Jack at 6 months and it sent me into a very icky funk for around a month. I can't let that happen again even if Luke has decided he's done.

I don't know what else to say about it other then I'm just so very sad................