She

When thinking about my little family and our little life, the word she pretty rarely comes into play. I'm truly the only she in the residence. Well, to be fair, one of our dogs is female. Otherwise we are full of testosterone.

I don't mind this little fact. I rather quite like being the lady of the manor. I have had this conversation with Jenny many times, often saying that if "all I ever have is boys, that's just fine."

Until today. Oh how today was one that came on without warning of being different, only to reveal a little truth that in one full sentence gave me the feeling of being punched in the tummy while also feeling a little bit of joy.

How can this be, you ask?

We had our follow-up appointment from having the D and C. We were running late and had skipped lunch, to make it there for our 1:30 p.m. call time. We arrived and to spare you the details, didn't get to see the doctor till 2:30. We were so happy about this fact. NOT. She comes in, all apologies and asks us how things are going. We talk a little and she kindly drops a bomb.

Dr.: "We were able to learn the baby's gender, would you like to know?

I look at Joe and cannot tell what he thinks so I go with my gut.

me: "yes"

Dr.: "well, it was a little girl." "I'm so sorry for your loss"

me: "thank you" (in my head: what.... did she say girl.... we had a little girl.... ???)

There is a "bright side" I guess, we know we can conceive a girl.....but I guess I have always known there was a 50% chance of that.

Just when I had begun to feel a little better, I'm back one little step. We had a daughter. I know She would have been beautiful, and She would have been wonderful. More then this though, I know He needs her in Heaven and She will make a wonderful Angel. She is ours.

There is no was.... She is, and She will always be our little Angel.